


Stardust

by miseryroot



Category: Steven Universe (Cartoon)
Genre: Drug Addiction, Drug Use, Druggie AU, F/F, Graphic Depictions of Drug Use, Human AU, Overdosing, Prosthesis
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-03-26
Updated: 2018-12-27
Packaged: 2019-04-08 02:21:40
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 11
Words: 24,458
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14094972
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/miseryroot/pseuds/miseryroot
Summary: Everyone has problems. Some people take medication for them. It's not that much different right? Peridot figured it wasn't that serious anyways. What's a couple pills or a couple hits? She was in college. Everyone did it.





	1. On One

In the beginning everything was fine. Some pills here and there, then everywhere. Smoke some weed, no big deal. Marijuana was known to not be extremely harmful. Something about prescription medication made her feel like it was okay. Why else would the government distribute it? It wasn't like she was taking hard drugs.

Right?

In this moment she definitely didn't want to know what hard drugs were like if these were the easy ones. Her body was shaking, her mind wouldn't stop going, teeth chattering as her heart hammered in her chest. This felt terrible. She'd never felt like this before. It felt like.. dying. Was she dying? Did she take too many? She hadn't thought so, she just took the amount she usually did.

The pills looked a little different but she was assured that they were the same, just a different brand.

But she'd been in this public bathroom for thirty minutes and this feeling wasn't going away. She hugged herself tightly, trying to think of her options. Her phone was dead, she was beginning to fall in and out of consciousness, and her pulse was racing. She didn't know if she had enough energy to get out of this bathroom, let alone back to her dorm.

All hope was just beginning to run out as she heard someone come into the bathroom, and the unmistakable sound of snorting something resonated through the silence followed by a relieved, "Ahhh.."

This was her chance! Whoever this stranger was there was no way they could judge her!

"He-Hey! Hel-H-He-Help!" Peridot cried out.

"What the fuck..?" 

The stall door opened and there stood a girl with blue hair, staring down at her oddly.

"Oh you don't look so good."

It was the understatement of the century. The blonde was huddled up on the floor next to the toilet, feeling like absolute hell.

"Y-Yeah I-I-I-I-I, " Peridot cursed herself for sounding so stupid but it was so hard to control her speech right now, "H-Help I-I-I!"

"You want me to call an ambulance?" The girl asked, pulling a burner phone out of her pocket.

"N-No!"

"I see.. Well. Yeah, okay. Jasper won't like this, but I'll help. Uppsy-daisy!" The girl sing-songed, grabbed the girl's arms to yank her up harshly. She slung one of Peridot's arms over her shoulder and put her arm around the blonde's waist. They hobbled out of the bathroom, through the gas station and out to a beat up two door car.

The strange girl put Peridot in the passenger seat and buckled her in as the blonde attempted to keep it together. This situation wasn't much better, and she didn't know where she was going but at least she wasn't going to die alone in a bathroom stall.

"So I'll take you back to my place and get you all settled. How are you feeling? What did you take?" The girl asked, turning the key and bringing to car to life. They drove away from the gas station and got on the freeway.

"I-I th-th-think I-I'm dy-dying." Peridot stuttered, her vision starting to fade in, "C-Con-Co-Concerta."

"You're not going to die." The girl retorted, "That's some nasty shit to overdose on. Hey, stay awake!" 

They got off the freeway and parked in front of an old house. The girl turned the car off and got Peridot out of it, pulling her along inside this house. There appeared to be no one else there, but there was a bunch of weed on the coffee-table in the living room along with a scale.

The girl pulled her into a bathroom, setting her on the floor in the corner by the tub and grabbed some powder and water, mixing them together.

"Okay, you're not going to like this, but it's gonna make you feel better." The girl said, bringing the glass to her lips.

And she was definitely right. This crap tasted like freaking cement but she chugged it anyways.

"Now hold up you need to drink a lot of water. I'm not fucking around about it either. You are going to drink as much water as humanly possible." The girl said, running out of the bathroom to return with two gallon water bottles.

"O-Okay..."

They spent several hours in that bathroom doing all the fun activities like: checking Peridot's heart rate, keeping her awake, forcing her to drink water immediately after she vomited over and over again, and the list went on. 

But by the end of it Peridot no longer felt like she was dying. Now she just felt absolutely shitty in a place she didn't know with a total stranger that was snorting some form of white powder.

"You really did help. Thank you." The blonde murmured, looking down at the ground.

"Well, how could I say no to a 'h-help'?" The girl smirked, getting a little bit of water in her hands to do a nasal wash.

"So.. what's your name?" Peridot asked, looking around the bathroom.

"If I told you I'd have to kill you." The girl looked so serious for a second before bursting into laughter at the startled look on Peridot's face, "I was kidding! I'm Lapis, Lapis Lazuli."

"And who the fuck are you?" The gruff voice come from the doorway, leading the girl's eyes to the large woman standing just outside of the door frame, "Lapis we got an order. We have to go."

"P-Peridot!" The blonde spat out nervously, eyes flicking between the two women.

"My room is next to this one on the right. You can get some rest there. I'll call you a cab when we get back." Lapis smiled, rolling her eyes as the large woman grabbed her arm and dragged her away.

Peridot heard the front door slam and lock. She got up, body still feeling weak as she turned the light off and walked down the small hallway to the room. It was crazy dark, with black-out curtains on the windows. She spotted a couch in the corner, and went over and promptly passed out. Her last thoughts were a simple _'What the fuck?'_

\-------------------------------

When she woke up she still felt like crap. But that it was to be expected, considering that she overdosed. She looked around the room for a sign of life, but saw no such thing. She followed the wall to the light switch, turning it on to see that the room was a total disarray of half-finished projects and random objects. She noticed that the couch she slept on was actually a pull out, evident by how badly it had been put back together.

She walked out to the living room to find Lapis sitting on the couch knitting a scarf, pile of weed gone now.

"You're up!" The woman smiled, getting up and walking into the conjoined kitchen to grab a blue bottled drink out of the fridge. She walked up to Peridot and set it in her hands, "Here, this will help. Drink it."

The blonde shrugged, cracking the top and taking a sip. At least this one didn't taste like cement. Actually, it was really good. Sweet and cold, apparently just what she stomach wanted. She guzzled down half of it.

"Sooo, want to tell me how you ended up in the gas station bathroom thinking you were dying?" Lapis asked, sitting back down on the couch and resuming her knitting.

"Not exactly sure. I mean, I know it was because of the pills. But I don't know why. They said they were the same as the other ones." Peridot murmured, sitting down next to her.

"Probably a different dosage. You should really check before you just assume with prescription medication. Especially methylphenidate. It's a monster by many names. Take too much and she's a mean ol' gal." The blue haired girl mused, "Easiest way is to just put in the size, shape and code into Google if you don't have the bottle."

"I-I've got the bottle, but I sort of just assumed it would be fine." The blonde muttered, "I guess I'm an idiot."

"Nah, just like most of the population you're just not knowledgeable about drugs. And that's okay. But if you want to keep doing this I'd get smart fast." Lapis shrugged, setting her creation down and picking up a pack of cigarettes, "I can give you Jasper's number. I don't sell that crap, but she does."

"Uh, okay. Sure. What do you sell?" Peridot asked, watching the other girl light up.

"I sell the fun shit with cute nicknames. Crystal, molly, smack, the occasional acid tabs, shrooms, angel dust and good ol' mary jane." Lapis replied, "I sell some prescriptions too, but not often and mostly just scratch and xannies."

Holy shit. How the fuck had Peridot stumbled into this situation? Oh, that's right. She'd cried out for help to a stranger. Smack? Crystal? But wasn't that.. heroin and meth? Suddenly she felt sort of scared and apparently she looked it.

"Hey, that's no way to look at your savior. And the shit you're taking is just government grade meth anyways."

"Those are serious drugs!" Peridot exclaimed, eyes narrowing.

"Hey, every drug is a serious drug. People just don't look at it that way. There's drugs in everything, they make up our world. It's all just a bunch of chemicals." Lapis sighed, exhaling a big puff of smoke, "It's part of life."

"What were you snorting?" The blonde asked, curiosity getting the best of her. Apparently it could be anything when it came to this woman.

"Meth. I like a little extra pep in my step." Lapis replied nonchalantly, tapping her cigarette against the ashtray on the table, "Just like you, but better. Want to try?"

"I-I..." Peridot clutched onto the blue drink in her hand. Was it better? Hours ago she'd overdosed on pills. If nothing truly was safe, and it was better.. This stranger called her pills crap. What she'd been taking was apparently government grade crap. So what was the real thing like?

Lapis waited, eyeing the blonde as she smoked her cigarette. She wondered what the girl would choose. Drugs could be a slippery slope, and Peridot was already on the wrong side of them.

"No. I can't." Peridot decided, "Thanks for all your help, though. Why did you help? And what was that stuff you gave me?"

"You looked pitiful and I think you're rather cute. How could I not help?" Lapis laughed, taking another drag, "It was a high dose of activated charcoal. And before you ask, that's just a blue smoothie."

"I-I'm not cute! I should really go!" The blonde blushed, scowling as she grabbed a stray pen off the table and Lapis' hand, "That's my phone number! I owe you one, okay?!"

"Okay. I'll call you a cab." Lapis smiled, looking down at the digits on her hand.


	2. Two Weeks Later

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Angel dust is PCP. Songs are Powerful (feat. Ellie Goulding & Tarrus Riley) by Major Lazer. Then it's Starry Eyed by Ellie Goulding as well.

The next time Peridot saw the drug dealer that saved her life was two weeks later. Lapis didn't call, didn't text. Nothing. But here she was, in Peridot's college's art class coated in paint. It was all over her face even places paint definitely shouldn't be, like around her eyes and on her lips. It was in her hair, all over her clothes.

The crazed look in her eyes had Peridot wondering how long she'd been there. The canvas was huge, and the painting was of a girl with seafoam colored hair and emerald eyes. She'd noticed the canvas in the corner months ago when she started this class but it had always been covered. How long had she been working on it?

"Opal! Vidalia! It's done!" Lapis hollered, a furious look on her face as she glared at the painting staring back at her.

"It's beautiful Lapis, truly. It looks just like her." Opal came up, setting a hand on the drug dealer's shoulder, "Did you decided what you want to do with it?"

"I can't decide. I think I'm gonna burn it." The blue haired girl muttered, "I gotta go to the bathroom. Watch it for me in case it vanishes just like her."

The art teacher agreed and Lapis left the classroom. Peridot decided to go to the bathroom too. Totally not because she wanted to know why Lapis was there or anything.

When she got in there the blue haired girl was smoking a joint and sitting in the corner by the sinks. She looked miserable. Was this even the same person that Peridot had met before? She was so different. Maybe she had a twin?

"Peridot, right?" Lapis muttered, "Want to get high with me? Smoking weed alone should be a crime."

Peridot looked around. They were at the far bathroom at the end of the compass. The only people that ever really came in there were from the art class anyways and usually for much of the same reason. The only class she had today was art so it shouldn't be a problem.

"Okay. How long have you been going to my school?" The blonde asked, taking the joint from Lapis' hand.

"I don't go here. I'm porking your teachers." Lapis replied casually as they passed the joint back and forth.

Peridot choked on her hit, "Wait for real?"

"No. We're friends I guess. I sell to them but we get along well enough."

"You sell drug to my teachers? My teachers do drugs?" Peridot's eyebrows raised.

"I sell drugs to everybody, and everybody does drugs. Get with the program." Lapis replied, "Well, I suppose not everyone. Almost everyone."

"I'm.. really high. This is just weed right?" Peridot asked, looking at the joint in a confused fashion. Her body felt so relaxed, and her mind felt hazy.

"What, you don't like angel dust?"

"WHAT?!" The blonde shrieked, jumping up.

"I'm screwing with you. Yeah, it's just weed. I don't drug people." The dealer smiled, chuckling a bit, "I like you. You're fun to mess with."

"You're an ass!" Peridot snapped, glaring at the girl.

"I've been called worse. Step your game up." Lapis laughed, "I feel better now. Thanks."

"I saw your painting. It's good. Is that what you do, besides the whole selling drugs thing?" Peridot mumbled, taking another hit before she passed it back.

"Nah, I suck at painting. Anyone can paint something that's clear in their minds." Lapis replied, taking a puff then putting out the joint and tossing it in the trash. She pulled a crushed pack of cigarettes out of her front pocket and lit one.

"So who is she? The girl in the painting." The blonde asked, looking at her red eyes in the bathroom mirror.

"It's complicated. I guess you could call her my ex. She bailed around a year ago." The blue haired woman shrugged, "I can't decide what to do with the damn thing now. Burn it, shoot it, stab it, dip it in acid... The options are limitless."

"You're just going to destroy it?" Peridot asked, unsure if the confusion was because the situation actually didn't make any sense or if she was just that high.

"I made it because I couldn't get her out of my head. I don't need it. I don't need her. I think it'd feel good to see her stupid face burn." Lapis shrugged, standing up and stretching out, "I came here to finish it so I could get rid of every permanent part of her today. I'm getting a tattoo covered up too. Wanna come with? For comic relief."

Peridot thought about the rest of her day. She was supposed to go back to class. Then she was going to go home and get high. But.. she'd been waiting for a call from this woman for two weeks. To pay her back for what she did, of course. Not because she wanted to see those wild blue eyes or anything.

"Does this count as the favor I owe you?" The blonde asked.

"Nope." Lapis smirked, going over to the sink and washing the paint off her face and hands, "You're gonna have to do it because you want to."

"I'll do it. Only because I've never seen anyone get a tattoo before." Peridot insisted as they left the bathroom and headed to Lapis' car as the drug dealer called Opal to inform her that not only would she not be back today but that she was also kidnapping one of her students.

They got in the car and Lapis changed the disc in the CD player, starting the car and peeling out of the parking lot. She got on the freeway, switching to the fast lane and speeding up.

Peridot couldn't hear anything but the wind whipping through the open windows and the screaming loud music while Lapis smoked another cigarette and drove. The blonde opted to listen to the music and look out the window.

_I couldn't leave if I wanted to_  
_'Cause something keeps pulling me back to you_  
_From the very first time we loved_  
_From the very first time we touched_  
_The stroke of your fingers_  
_The scent of you lingers_  
_My mind running wild_  
_The thoughts of your smile_  
_Oh, you gotta give me some_  
_Though you can give it all_  
_But it’s never enough, no_

Was that how Lapis felt about her ex? Did it mean something, or was it just another song? With this woman it felt like **everything** meant **something**. It was just hard to tell what that something was. She wondered what happened. Why did Lapis' ex leave? She couldn't image just up and running, let alone leaving someone else behind. The song went on and she noticed Lapis mouthing along to the words in between puffs of her cigarette.

"I like her voice!" Peridot shouted. Lapis's eyes met her's for a second and a smirk spread across her face.

"This one's for you then!" Lapis yelled back, switching the song.

_Oh, oh, starry eyed (starry)_  
_Starry eyed_  
_Hit, hit, hit, hit, hit me with lightning_  


_Handle bars, and then I let go, let go for anyone_  
_Take me in, and throw out my heart and get a new one_  


_Next thing we're touching_  
_You look at me it's like you hit me with lightning_  
_Ah, ah_

Peridot blushed at the lyrics, especially at the whole chorus of _'Next thing we're touching'_. She was beginning to get a little more concerned about Lapis' intentions. What the hell was all this supposed to mean? She didn't know how to process this whirlwind of a day or the woman next to her. It was their second time meeting and this time was turning out to be just as insane as the first, if a bit more upbeat.

Before the blonde knew it they were parking in front of a tiny tattoo shop. They got out of the car and Lapis grabbed a backpack out of the trunk before they went inside.

"So where's the tattoo going?" Peridot asked, scanning the blue haired woman's body. She didn't see any signs of a tattoo, but she figured it could be anywhere.

"On my ass." Lapis replied, shrugging.

"What?!" The blonde shrieked, but when she heard the drug dealer laugh she rolled her eyes. Another joke.

Lapis walked up to the front desk, "No Lars today, Sadie? How reckless. Doesn't he know his wife is a babe? You know we could take this opportunity to-"

"I'm right here you slut." Lars glared at the blue haired woman as he walked through the curtain from the back room.

"Awh, don't be like that. It's a joke." Lapis grinned, "I'm hilarious. Right, Sadie?"

"You know she doesn't mean anything by it Lars." Sadie smiled, "Pearl's ready for you in the back Lapis."

Lapis thanked her and led Peridot to the back room. A lanky woman was sitting there, cleaning her tools.

"You brought an audience." The tall woman said, eyeing Peridot, "Who is she?"

"Yeah we're totally going to bone after this. Needles turn her on." Lapis replied, "Pearl, Peridot. Peridot, Pearl." 

"She's lying!" Peridot spat out, an appalled expression on her face.

"Yes, she's like that." Pearl rolled her eyes, handing Lapis a piece of paper with a drawing on it.

"It's great. Thanks again for this. It was time to get this off my back." Lapis smiled.

"You sure you're ready for this?" Pearl asked. Lapis took in a deep breath and the smile on her face looked pained now as she nodded her head. Peridot's eyes widened as the drug dealer pulled her shirt off. On her back in small print it read 'Mala'.

"Like what you see, blondie?" Lapis asked.

"Y-You wish!" Peridot stammered, looking away.

"Yeah, maybe." The blue haired woman laughed.

Lapis poked fun at Peridot for the next three hours with a little bit of picking on Pearl thrown in there as well as Pearl worked on her cover up. But for the last thirty minutes the blue haired woman didn't seem to have anything to say, a far off look on her face. Pearl shot Peridot a look, as if to say 'do your job and talk to her!'. It's wasn't her obligation to keep Lapis entertained, she was just along for the ride after all. But she supposed it couldn't hurt.

"I don't see the point in getting a tattoo that you can basically never see." Peridot mumbled, looking away.

"I got the tattoo because she wanted me to get the tattoo. It was never about me, just her crazy possessive bullshit." Lapis retorted, "Now I'm covering it. She doesn't get to have a piece of my flesh dedicated to her anymore. I'm taking it back."

The blonde didn't know what to do with the serious explanation that was thrown at her. It was maddening how quickly Lapis could go from playing around to being straightforward. Peridot just couldn't grasp it. Pearl was glaring at her now and she didn't really know what to do.

"Soo... you like electronica and pop huh?" The blonde asked.

"I like lots of music. But yeah, it's a result of being at lots of clubs and raves." Lapis replied, "Ever been to a rave?"

"Not yet."

"They're great. A mass of people in a crowd enjoying their time together no matter how short it is. Moving together, against each other. People become nicer, unified by the atmosphere bonding them together. There's nothing like it." Lapis murmured, "Wild and electric."

"Maybe I'll go to the next one."

Lapis seemed to cheer up a bit, chatting with them about silly things and telling them crazy stories. The air felt lighter as they all relaxed and joked around.

"It's done." Pearl announced, pulling her gloves off and grabbing the camera sitting on the table beside her, snapping a quick photo. Peridot stood up from the chair to get a better look at it. It was a dark blue teardrop with tiny gold flecks and black wings jutting out from the sides.

Pearl smeared salve over the blue haired woman's back before placing some gauze and taping it down. Lapis pulled her shirt back on and Pearl showed her the picture she took.

"It's finally over." Lapis smiled, "Thank you Pearl. It's perfect."

"Very symmetrical." Peridot noted.

"Well, I am a professional." Pearl retorted, basking in the compliments.

Lapis walked over to the backpack she brought with her, pulling out a bag that looked like it was full of tan rocks along with a bunch of hypodermic needles, setting them on the table.

"Your fix, m'lady." Lapis smiled, before turning to Peridot, "Ready to go?"

The blonde just nodded, eyeing the drugs before heading for the door. They got back into Lapis' car and it was dark out now. The blue haired woman looked at her phone and scowled.

"Duty calls. I'll drop you off at home, okay?"

Peridot nodded her head, relieved but slightly disappointed. She wasn't sure when she would see Lapis again considering she never got the call she waited two weeks for and instead had to coincidentally run into the drug dealer. As far as she knew it could be next week or never.

She gave Lapis to directions to her dorm and they drove there, music filling in the silence as Peridot watched the other woman out of the corner of her eye. She'd never felt so unsure about someone before. She didn't know how to feel about Lapis. There was just something about her that just pulled the blonde right in.

Lapis pulled up in front of the building and sighed, "Well I guess this is it. I'll see you around."

"Will you?" The blonde mumbled.

"It's a small world. And besides, you still owe me one."


	3. Open Your Heart

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The song is Las Vegas' radio edit of Hideaway by Kiesza.

Two months later and no word from the stranger drug dealer that had saved her life.

Peridot was at a rave with Amethyst. The latina had gotten her to cave and agree to go out and have fun. Apparently having fun included MDMA and they were scouting the place for it as soon as they got through the doors. Amethyst insisted that she wanted to be rolling by the time the headliner was on so it was a race against the clock.

Eventually someone had pointed them to the smoking area, and who else was there, but Lapis Lazuli herself? Decked out in boots, a neon tank top with the grim reaper on it, and black shorts that were so tiny and ripped up that they barely counted as more than underwear with a frayed yellow tutu over them for posterity.

She was smoking a cigarette, looking super content with a big mushy smile on her face. It took them a second to get to her through the crowd of smokers.

"Oh heyyyyy Peridot." Lapis mused, apparently entirely without boundaries tonight as she reached out and grabbed the blonde's face, "Your skin is soooo soft!"

"Whoa! I want to be what you're on!" Amethyst exclaimed. The blue haired girl winked, letting go of Peridot to wrap an arm around Amethyst's shoulder, leading her away. The blonde quickly followed them to the bathroom, squeezing together in the same stall.

Lapis pulled a baggie out of her shoe, "Ten dollars, ma'am."

"For two?! That's so cheap!" Amethyst grinned, pulling out her wallet.

"Two...?" Lapis asked, directing her gaze to Peridot, "I thought you were a prescription Patty."

"Oh my god! Wait! You... The blue hair... Drug dealer.. You're the girl that saved P-Dot!" Amethyst laughed, making the connection.

"Yes, I am the benevolent benefactor of girls that overdose in bathroom stalls. A saint, if you will." Lapis weaved a fantastic tale, "There I was, getting my fix in the ladies room. When out from the stall there was a plea of 'h-help'! I opened the ugly metal door to find upon the floor my very own sleeping beauty! Except she wasn't sleeping. So I took her upon my stead and gave her the kiss of life in my palace of porcelain! A bunch of activated charcoal and a much cleaner toilet to vomit in."

"E-Enough! Look, it's not even a big deal to get some MDMA. Everyone does it. It's totally normal, we're at a rave." Peridot muttered, glaring at the floor.

"Boooooooo! What a boring reason! Don't you know anything? Molly is an experience." Lapis scoffed, rolling her giant pupils, "It frees the heart! Made with every intent to bring out the very happiest and kindest in a person. Makes you feel like you could do anything. They don't call it ecstasy for no reason! And you want to take it because everyone else does. Your poor soul."

"Okay, so gave it to me for all the other reasons." Peridot sighed, pulling out her wallet as well.

"Fifteen dollars, please!" Lapis chirped, extending her palm out. The friends handed her their money and were presented with two little pills with a the shape of a flower pressed into them. They both took them immediately and Peridot wondered how long it would be before her perspective changed.

The blue haired girl turned to leave but Amethyst grabbed her wrist, stopping her.

"Have a drink with us! The show doesn't start for awhile!" The latina smiled, "Besides, shouldn't you guys talk?"

"People will find me whenever I am, so I suppose it's fine." Lapis shrugged, laughing a bit, "Talk about what?"

"You said she was cute but then you never called her. Then you take her on a joy ride around town when you see her again and still don't call." Amethyst replied, "Sounds like a conflict in interests to me. So what gives?"

"Did I say that?" Lapis grinned, tilted her head and setting her eyes on the blonde in a daring fashion, "I'm a busy lady. I don't always have time for fun. And if I remember correctly you didn't like that I complimented you."

Peridot bit her lip and looked away, "Did you two want to get a drink or what?"

The blonde blushed as Lapis laughed at the redirected topic and they left the bathroom to head over to the tiny bar. Peridot and Amethyst got shots, the blue haired girl just ordered a water bottle that she proceeded to chug like she'd never had water in her life.

"You didn't get a shot. Why?" Amethyst asked.

"I'm having a good time just as I am. And I really needed to water. The drugs dehydrate you." Lapis replied, tugging at all the bracelets on her wrists as she swayed to the beat of the music. The bracelets ranged from being beaded, to made of plastic, to woven with string. They didn't appear to have a rhyme or reason, and the blonde had noticed several other people had some as well.

Amethyst started asking her more questions about the pills and talking about her experiences with drugs, Lapis just nodding along and answering questions as she surveyed the room. Peridot was beginning to wonder what she was looking for when suddenly Lapis excused herself to walk over to the end of the bar.

There was a girl there, mascara melting down her face as she nursed a drink. The blue haired girl sat down next to her. They talked for a while before Peridot saw Lapis extend her bracelet covered arms and the girl touched a few of them.

Lapis removed a few, sliding them onto the girl's wrist one by one. They chatted for another minute before hugging and the blue haired girl walked back.

"What was that about? You know her?" Peridot asked, stirring her drink with the straw sticking out of it.

"Nah, total stranger." Lapis replied, the big smile that seemed to be a permanent part of her face tonight widening, "She looked miserable. At a rave. It takes a lot to be sad at a rave."

"What are you, captain save a hoe?" Amethyst laughed.

"No. I just felt bad. I was sad when I got here too so I dug through my trunk and found all my old bracelets. Looking at that and remembering all the people I got them from cheered me up a bit." The blue haired woman shrugged, "So I figured I'd spread the joy."

"So this is a 'happiest and kindest in a person' thing?" Peridot asked, eyebrow raised.

"Now you're getting it! Well, this has been lovely but I'm going to go smoke." Lapis mused, dancing off to the smoking area.

When she left Amethyst spoke up again, "She's pretty cool. You're totally going to hit that, right?"

"When hell freezes over." Peridot scoffed, "She's probably not actually interested in me. She seems to play games like that with people."

"Whatever you say." Amethyst shrugged, "I'm gonna go dance."

The blonde sat there at the bar, watching people dance and laugh, totally not looking at the smoking area to see when Lapis would be back. She ordered a drink, sipping on it and listening to the music as she suddenly started to feel a bit different. The lights seemed brighter, and the music started sounding better.

She felt lighter, and when she touched her face it felt so much more comforting than it ever had. Before she knew it she was on the dance floor, a slave to the beat just like everyone else as the main act went on. She didn't believe she'd ever been so in tune with her body in her entire life. Lapis was absolutely spot on. Peridot felt like she could do **anything**.

So she did. She danced with strangers and had an absolute blast. It didn't feel weird or uncomfortable, but more like all these people were friends of her's, all connected by the same good time. Before she knew it she was face to face with a smirking Lapis Lazuli, who grabbed her hands and pulled her close.

_Taking me higher than I've ever been before_  
_I'm holding back, just want to shout out, give me more_  
_You're just a hideaway, you're just a feeling_  
_You let my heart escape beyond the meaning_  
_Not even I can find a way to stop the storm_  
_Oh, baby, it's out of my control, what's going on?_

The blue haired woman's touch felt absolutely electric, hips against hers, hands brushing along her body. Peridot had never felt so happy to feel so breathless as she danced with this strange woman. She'd danced with plenty of people tonight, but of all of them it never felt this good to be touched, held, pushed and pulled in this dizzying frenzy of body movement.

And as the song ended Peridot felt water fall from her eyes, rolling down her cheeks and hitting her smiling lips. What was going on? Lapis' eyes widened, and she pulled the blonde out of the crowd and into the mostly empty bathroom.

"Are you okay?" The blue haired girl asked, brushing her hand along Peridot's back.

"I think so. I just.. feel so happy. Dancing is so fun. You're really good at it." Peridot rubbed her eyes, smiling at Lapis and shrugging.

Lapis smiled back at her, shaking her head, "You're just high?! You're so high! And here I was, concerned!"

Peridot watched as Lapis threw her head back in laughter, leaning against the wall as her body shook and the blonde found herself laughing as well. Then they were both standing there, laughing and unable to stop as Peridot leaned into the sink. Which only resulted in her slipping and falling flat on her ass, causing more laughter as Lapis tried to pull her up but ended up collapsing to her knees because her body was too weak from cracking up to handle Peridot trying to use her hands to pull herself up.

Lapis leaned against the blonde, her face in Peridot's chest as they giggled themselves to tears and tried to gasp for air. Eventually they were panting, their lungs on fire after they'd finally been able to stop laughing.

"This is so fun! I can't believe I've never done this before!" Peridot exclaimed, grabbing Lapis' hands as the blue haired woman sat up.

"Don't get too attached. Nothing lasts forever." Lapis mused, lacing their fingers together.

"Noooooooo! But it feels so nice!" The blonde whined, pouting a bit as she rocked their hands back and forth.

Lapis snickered, rolling her eyes, "I know. And it's such a shame since you're so sweet like this. But don't worry too much about it. Just treasure the moment, okay?"

"Okay.." Peridot could feel her face heat up as the drug dealer leaned forward and pressed her lips against the blonde's forehead.

Then they noticed that the music had stopped. They got up and left the bathroom to find the DJ gone and everyone starting to leave.

"Oh stars, I'm so sorry! I made us miss the end of the show!" Peridot apologized. 

But Lapis just waved it off, "I go to these things all the time, don't worry about it."

They left the area after searching for Amethyst and being unable to find her. Lapis lit up a cigarette as they looked outside, eventually finding the latina chatting with some strangers about the show. Amethyst hugged Peridot when she saw her, grinning at Lapis a bit.

"She's not interested, huh?" Amethyst teased, and the blonde's cheeks lit up, "I'll meet you at the car. Say goodbye to your lady friend."

Lapis smirked as the latina walked away, eyes trained on the blonde. She walked closer, wrapping her arms around Peridot in a quick embrace, whispering in her ear before letting go and walking off into the distance as she left a smoke trail behind her.

Thirty minutes later Peridot was in her bed, wide awake as she cuddled her pillows. All she could think about was the drug dealer with the blue hair and tear drop tattoo, her ears ringing with the last thing Lapis had to say to her.

_"I woudn't say I'm uninterested."_


	4. A Different Perspective

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The song is My Boo (feat. Vince Staples, Ngaiire, Vera Blue & KUČKA) by Flume.

Lapis sighed, glaring at her burner phone as she got back in the car. She'd been busy all day with deliveries and it was scorching outside, making her car boiling hot. She really just wanted to go home and sit in front of the fan. She flipped the bird to the sun's general direction before answering her phone. The voice on the other line sounded desperate, but they always did.

"Mmmhmm... Yeah. $570. What? No. This isn't a yard sale I'm not fucking bargaining with you. Try me like that again and you're going to have some problems." Lapis muttered, digging through her glove box to try to find a pair of sunglasses before she had to drive to this idiot's meetup location.

She hung up and stared the car as she slipped on the sunglasses, music starting up when she push the 'Peridot' disk in.

_At night I think of you_  
_I want to be your lady, maybe_  
_If your game is on, give me a call boo_  
_If your love is strong, gonna give my all to you_

She'd started compiling songs that made her think of the blonde after the second time they'd met. She wouldn't deny the interest she had in Peridot. The way she would react to the things Lapis said, her stubborn behavior, and her laugh. It all rattled around in Lapis' brain when she was too busy getting high to sleep.

Lapis liked making playlists for things that she couldn't get out of her head. Malachite said music was her love language. She wasn't sure she really believed that, but she definitely tended to make more CDs when things made an impact on her. 

She wondered how long it would last this time. She met girls all the time, but they all inevitably bored her at some point. Would she be over it the next time she saw Peridot? Would it take getting into the blonde's pants?

When would that laugh become annoying? When would the stubbornness start to make her angry? The only person she could ever stand to be around for a long period of time was Malachite, and even that had it's limits. People annoyed her. They were boring, this whole plain of existence was boring.

She would much rather be getting high or even just sleeping. Trips and dreams were so much better than reality. Even when they were bad they were at least interesting. She hated feeling bored. It made her feel like she was dead. She needed the distractions, the drugs, the noise to fill in the void so she didn't feel so empty.

Her life was dangerous and risky, which made it perfect for her. She got to live life on the edge and that was where it was most exciting. And if she died it didn't matter to her. No one would miss her too much anyways. Lapis was going to do what she wanted, when she wanted, how she wanted and if that killed her then she was content with that. She was living for the thrill.

As she pulled up to the drop off point she became curious about what her new interest was living for. Definitely couldn't be those crappy pills. What did Peridot have that made it all worth it for her? Lapis wondered if she'd stay interested long enough to find out.

\---------------------------------------------------

Lapis groaned, walking through the door and seeing Jasper in front of the fan. She slammed the door and walked over to the other woman, pushing at her to get her to move.

"Jasper come on I've been working all day!" The blue haired woman snapped, "There's a ceiling fan in your room!"

"Tough shit, I want to be in here." Jasper retorted, grabbing Lapis' arms to hold them still. That didn't help though because then the other woman just started kicking her in the shin.

"At least share it with me." Lapis offered, attempting to compromise though she'd much rather eat glass.

"Malachite isn't here right now, I don't have to share anything with you." The bigger woman muttered, "Especially not with how you've been acting lately. She is going to be so sad that you covered up her tattoo."

Lapis narrowed her eyes, bringing a leg up swiftly to kick Jasper in the gut. Jasper freed her arms in surprise and Lapis took the opportunity to leave, walking to her room. It was hotter than hell in there, but she'd rather suffer than have to deal with Jasper bitching about Malachite.

Their shared girlfriend, occupation, close proximity and crappy behavior were the only things she had in common with Jasper. It could be appropriate to say they loved hating each other. They used to get along a lot better before Malachite. They were still shitty to each other, but they were like terrible friends that made out occasionally and understood each other on a weird level.

But Malachite had definitely ruined all of that. They fought over her constantly and Mala loved it, always using it to her advantage. Their bad friendship had turned into a twisted hatred. 

Nowadays Jasper mostly just pissed her off now because she still hadn't given up on Malachite coming back and Lapis didn't want to hear about it. She didn't want to be with them anymore. She wanted to be done with it. The relationship was toxic, but to have Malachite just up and vanish crushed her. Their twisted love left her with wounds she didn't know how to heal. She was inconsolable for the better half of a year.

Eventually Lapis came to accept that she probably wouldn't heal from some of these scars. Malachite wasn't coming back and that the best thing that she could do for herself was move on. So she did and she experienced the freedom and loneliness of not having Mala breathing down her neck and trying to control her.

Now she had better things to do. Like making fun of a certain blonde. Lapis looked over at her actual cellphone. She had several burners that she used for work, but very few people had her actual phone number. She'd decided to store Peridot's number there for safe keeping until it was time to get that favor since she often tossed a burner phone if she had to.

Lapis had a crap day at work and an equally crappy encounter with Jasper. Maybe it would be fun to blow off some steam and joke around with Peridot. It couldn't hurt. She grabbed the cellphone and a joint off her desk, lighting it up and pressing the call button.

"Hello? Who is this? What do you want?" The nasally voice came through the line, sounding ridiculously annoyed.

"Is that how you always answer the phone, pill popper?" Lapis snickered, "And here I thought you'd be excited to get my phone call."

"La-Lapis?! N-No, it's not!" Peridot yelped, "Why are you calling me? Did you finally have that request?"

"Nope. I was just thinking about what a good time we had last time. Especially the part where my face was on your chest. That was fun." Lapis mused, smirking as she heard the blonde get choked up on the other line.

"You're a pervert! Did you just call to harass me?! I'm having a bad day I don't need this!" Peridot snapped, her face turning beat red. She was glad Lapis wasn't there to see it.

"A bad day, huh? Funny, me too. Tell me about it." Lapis replied before blowing a massive smoke cloud out the window.

"It's actually not a great time. Amethyst and I are going to the mall to cool off. The A/C at my dorms broke and it's stupid hot outside. They don't care though, since most people aren't here for spring break anyways." Peridot sighed, wiping the sweat off her forehead.

Spring break? No wonder she'd gotten so many stupid calls today. People wanted their fixes for their vacations. A broken A/C, huh? Lapis was sweating it out at her house too. Maybe a change in scenery would do them both some good.

"I've got a plan. I'm going to call you back." Lapis stated, hanging up the phone before the blonde could even say anything. Twenty minutes later she had everything put together with only a little resistance from Pearl.

"I was going to shoot up all weekend." Pearl grumbled.

"Get drunk instead. I've got other drugs. Have some fun on my dime with cute girls." Lapis countered. The taller woman caved and the drug dealer triumphantly called Peridot back.

"Okay, so I've got a pretty sweet offer. I've gotta get the hell out of this house before I go insane and sweat to death. So do you and Amethyst want to go with me to Pearl's lake house for the weekend? It's pretty nice and I'm gonna get a bunch of booze." Lapis grinned, "So what'll it be? Heat stroke or lake house?"

"Just you and Pearl? But I don't even know Pearl. I barely even know you." Peridot muttered.

"I'll go! Let's go!" Amethyst yelled out so Lapis could hear her.

"I don't even swim." The blonde sighed, Amethyst by her side trying to convince her to do it.

"So what? The house has A/C and you can sit by the lake." Lapis countered, "Come on, it's a good offer. And a proper spring break trip."

Peridot scowled. It was better than being at the dorms in the blistering heat. Amethyst was all for going so it wasn't like she'd be alone. And nothing bad had ever happened to her any of the times she'd hung out with Lapis anyways. It had been three weeks since they'd seen each other, and Lapis was finally calling her after all. The blue haired woman had sort of left her hanging last time. Maybe she could figure out what all that was about. 

"Okay." Peridot sighed, relenting, "For the A/C, of course."

"Of course. I'll pick you two up in an hour and a half." Lapis grinned, hanging up the phone to get everything together for the weekend.


	5. Lake Trip Pt. 1

"Peridot please don't wear pants I'm going to sweat to death just looking at you. Just wear the shorts! If Lapis says something I'll punch her right in the tit!" Amethyst sighed, shoveling clothes and various items in her bag.

"I don't know. I could just stay inside all weekend." Peridot grumbled, looking down at her prosthetic limbs. It wasn't that she felt ashamed of them or anything. She'd made them herself, after all. It was more like she wasn't ready for Lapis to know about them and that in and of itself made her feel uncomfortable.

She'd stopped feeling shy about them in her freshman year of college. So why was she feeling anxious? Peridot hadn't cared what anyone thought about it for years, happy to rock them whenever it was hot out. She'd been doing it all day. Why did the thought of Lapis seeing them make her want to cover up?

Peridot was still contemplating changing into pants when someone started knocking on the door. Amethyst opened it to reveal Lapis fanning herself with her hand.

"How do you two deal with those stairs in this heat- Whoa..." The blue haired woman's jaw dropped once she caught sight of Peridot's legs, "What are those?"

"Prosthetics you clod. What do they look like?" Peridot snapped, turning her head away and glaring at the wall.

"Uh not like any prosthetic I've ever seen." Lapis replied, walking through the door before kneeling down in front of the blonde to get a closer look, "This is like some crazy robotics shit! This is awesome!"

The blonde's eyes widened and she looked down at the drug dealer who was grinning up at her with that crazy look in her eyes. She looked like an overexcited child that had way too much sugar then found a new toy. Peridot could feel the blood rush to her cheeks and she took a couple steps back.

"O-Of course they are. I made them." Peridot stammered, turning away and resuming her packing.

"So what you're like a genius? Way to hold out on a girl, damn." Lapis mused, "Wait, so that's why you don't swim?"

"W-Well I-" But the blonde was cut off by Amethyst interjecting.

"Nope!" The latina laughed, "She won't practice with her swimming legs because she's embarrassed of how bad she is at it!"

"Oh no way! You have to bring them! You have to swim!" Lapis jumped up, "I can help you! I taught Jasper how to swim! Albeit I did technically almost drown her first.. but I swear I won't push you off a dock!"

"You said you would swim this summer!" Amethyst added.

"It's not summer! It's still spring!" Peridot rebuffed, continuing with her packing.

"It'll be fun! Come on P-Dot!" The latina pouted, making puppy dog eyes at the blonde. Lapis saw this and decided to join in, setting her hands on Amethyst's shoulders and making the same face.

"Augh! Fine! You two are the worst!" Peridot screamed in frustration, retrieving the box with her other set of prosthetic limbs, "Can we go now?!"

"Yep!" Lapis cheered, high fiving Amethyst before they all headed out to Lapis' car.

"You cleaned it." Peridot observed, seeing the clear backseat.

"We needed the room." Lapis shrugged, popping the trunk so they could put their bags in.

"So where is this place?" Amethyst asked once they got in the car.

"It's a quaint little lake town two hours from here." The drug dealer replied, lighting up a cigarette as they hit the road.

"So what's this Pearl person like?" The latina questioned, getting cozy in the backseat.

"Pearl is pretty cool. She's a tattoo artist and a fencing instructor. She tends to nag, but it's probably just because she's at that mom age." Lapis shrugged, focusing on the road as she weaved through traffic.

"We're gonna spend the weekend with a granny?"

"Mom age could mean anything Lazuli." Peridot rolled her eyes, cranking the window down to get more air going through the hot car.

"It's rude to reveal a lady's age. Ask her yourselves." Lapis mused, stomping on the gas pedal.

\---------------------------------------------

Pearl was there to greet them when they pulled into the driveway. She was on the deck grilling an assortment of meat and vegetables and soaking in the last of the sunlight.

"What the fuck I thought you said she was old! She's a babe!" Amethyst whisper screamed at Lapis as they walked up the steps to greet her.

"I said she's mom age. That could literally mean anything." Lapis retorted.

"Well, well. You really weren't kidding when you said girls. You think I prey on the young?" Pearl raised an eyebrow, "Oh, hello again Peridot. You're still around."

"H-Hey." Peridot replied, trying to figure out what the hell that meant.

"I don't know, you grabbed my ass when we first met and I was barely legal then." Lapis grinned at the exasperated expression that appeared on Pearl's face, "Besides, they're legal. Don't get so uppity."

"I carried you to your room!" Pearl hissed.

"With your hands under my ass, holding me to your chest. I don't know many people that carry people like that." Lapis countered.

"Oh! Oh! I do! That's how parent's carry their kids to bed!" Amethyst joined in, a grin coming across her face as well as Pearl looked more and more agitated by the second.

Lapis laughed at the revelation, but Pearl only face palmed and sighed.

The taller woman used the tongs in her hand to point them inside, "Lapis, go help everyone get settled in and figure out where all of you are sleeping."

"Aye, aye captain!" Lapis saluted, and pulled open the sliding glass door to lead Amethyst and Peridot inside, "So this is the living room and kitchen area, obviously."

Lapis led them down the hall to show them where the bathroom and the rooms were. Aside from Pearl's room there were two other small rooms, which had Peridot feeling a little anxious after Amethyst called dibs on one of them.

"There are only three rooms so..." The blonde trailed off.

"Don't worry robo girl. I'll sleep on the couch." Lapis mused, "It'll be just like home."

With that they all headed back outside to grab their stuff and haul it upstairs. Peridot got all her stuff set up and went out to the kitchen to find Pearl had finished grilling and had put everything on the counter. Amethyst was already eating and Lapis was pouring booze into a blender with a bunch of ice and juice. The blonde decided to get some food and sit next to Amethyst.

"You're supposed to measure it." Pearl chided, pinching the back of Lapis' neck.

"Back off mom, I know what I'm doing." The drug dealer stuck her tongue out at the taller woman before turning the blender on. When it was done she poured in into four glasses and shoved one in Pearl's face.

Pearl took a sip and scowled, "It's perfect. How did you get it so exact?"

"Read 'em and weep ladies. I was born talented!" Lapis replied, setting two of the drinks in front of Peridot and Amethyst.

They agreed it was good and Pearl rolled her eyes at the pleased look on Lapis' face. They all proceeded to eat, and drink way too much. The drinks Lapis had made were tasty and cold, and seemed to only have a tiny bit of alcohol to them. Peridot quickly found that to be untrue because as seem as she stood up it seemed to hit her all at once. How did she suddenly get so buzzed?

Lapis got up as well, walking over to her stuff on the couch and pulling out a bag and weed and a pipe, "Anybody wanna get twisted?"

"Fuck yeah!" Amethyst cheered, running outside with only a minimal amount of stumbling. She was followed by Pearl who chastised her for said running, carrying a tray of drinks.

Lapis and Peridot were the last ones out of the house, walking beside each other as they headed down the stairs to the table out by the lake.

"Is this better than being stuck back home?" The blue haired woman asked, eyeing the semi-staggering blonde.

"It's definitely interesting." Peridot replied, "I'm curious to see how tomorrow goes. I guess it's kind of weird because everything seems so normal. I didn't expect a trip with a drug dealer to be so tame."

"I'm not a one woman party, you know. It could get crazy if everyone wanted it to, but that's not the energy of tonight. Everyone's just trying to unwind." Lapis shrugged, stopping in her tracks to look up at the moon, "Would you look at that. It's almost full."

Peridot gazed up at it as well, smiling at bit once she saw the rabbit in it, "How pretty."

"Yeah, but there are better sights to see out here." Lapis murmured, leaning forward to press her lips against the blonde's cheek before walking off again.

Peridot's cheeks lit up and she scowled as she watched Lapis leave her behind. She felt sick in the pit of her stomach and unsure of what to do, think or feel. The blonde looked up at the moon again before casting these confusing emotions aside and rushing ahead to join everyone.

Lapis was sitting next to Pearl, breaking up weed into the pipe while the taller woman and Amethyst chatted about Pearl's rose garden sleeves. Peridot took her seat next to Amethyst and watched as Lapis packed a bowl.

When she finished Lapis smirked and set it in front of Peridot with a lighter, "After you."

Peridot scoffed, taking a hit before passing it along to Amethyst to spite the drug dealer.

"Oooooooo cold!" Amethyst laughed. 

But it did nothing to wipe the smirk off Lapis' face, "And here I was playing favorites."

"Leave the poor girl alone, Lapis. I'm sure you did something offensive." Pearl scolded, before giving the blonde a sympathetic look, "Don't let her bother you Peridot."

"Me? I would never." Lapis gasped, feigning innocence for all of five seconds before laughing.

"You're a bitch." Peridot muttered, looking away.

"I've still been called worse." Lapis mused, before taking a massive hit and blowing out a bunch of rings over the table.

"Oh cool! Show me how to do that!" Amethyst grinned. Lapis obliged, rolled up a joint for the two of them. They went back to the deck where there was less air flow and Lapis showed her a bunch of different smoke tricks.

It was just Pearl and Peridot sitting at the table. The taller woman offered the blonde a drink and she took it happily as they smoked the rest of the bowl between themselves.

"She's so confusing." Peridot sighed, taking a sip of the alcoholic beverage and slumping down, "She's messing with me, isn't she?"

"She messes with everyone." Pearl replied, "Lapis is a good girl deep, deep down. But she's very misguided. You make the boundaries when it comes to her, because she has very few. I'm not going to tell you what to do, but it may be best to simply maintain a friendship with her if this is already too much for you."

"You really are kind of like a mom." Peridot murmured, finishing her drink, "What's your relationship with Lapis?"

Pearl let out a light laugh, "We're friends. I guess I tend to baby her since she was so young when we met. I know she made it sound weird earlier, but I really was just carrying her to her room."

"Why?" The blonde asked.

"It was the first time she'd shot up. Jasper and Malachite took off and it was just us. Absolutely insane, right?" Pearl frowned, "Malachite convinced her to do it then just left her. I barely even knew Mala and it was the first time I'd met Jasper and Lapis. It was way too big a dose for a first injection. She was so out of it. She could barely move. I felt bad for her, so I took her to her room and tucked her into bed. It crushed me to have to leave and have this kid trying to tell me to stay because she didn't want to be alone."

Peridot frowned as well, grabbing another drink off the tray. She looked over at the deck and saw Lapis looking at them too. The drug dealer smirked and blew her a kiss before walking into the house. She couldn't see Amethyst. Pearl got up and stretched, saying they should go back inside before the mosquitoes ate them alive.

\-----------------------------------------

Hours later after everyone had called it a night Peridot had awoken, unable to get back to sleep. She checked the time. Three in the morning. She sighed, and put her glasses on. Just as she did she saw the hall light turn on, Lapis passing by her open door with a rubber strap and a hypodermic needle in hand. She had to have been coming from Pearl's room.

"Lapis..?" Peridot called out. The drug dealer froze, looking back at her. Then Lapis noticed her prosthetic legs by the side of the bed and continued walking away.

The blonde cursed out in hushed tones so she wouldn't wake anyone up as she put the artificial limbs on as quickly as she could. She walked out to the living area to see Lapis place the needle into a little hazardous waste bin under the skin.

"What are you doing up?" The blue haired woman asked, walking past Peridot again. She tossed the tie off on the coffee table and sat on the couch, her phone lighting up with notifications.

"Just woke up. What about you?" Peridot replied, walking over and sitting next to her.

"Can't sleep. My mind won't stop going. Apparently Pearl couldn't either. She should be fine now though." Lapis murmured, typing away on her phone before taking a swig out of the drink on the coffee table.

"Did you...?" The blonde trailed off, looking away.

"No. I want to be bright eyed and bushy tailed to swim tomorrow." Lapis replied, "Want to smoke? I've got some hash. That could help get us to sleep."

"Okay." Peridot shrugged, listen to Lapis' phone get a symphony of notification pings, "What have you been doing all night?"

Lapis tossed the blonde her phone and started to pack a bowl on the coffee table, "Check it out."

Peridot anxiously unlocked it, the page lighting up with what appeared to be a chat. She scrolled through it a bit, trying to figure it out. It appeared that everyone was just talking about all the negative things they felt.

"It's called Sad. An anonymous chat app that takes your location and connects you with other people in the same general area, all of them unhappy for whatever reason. You can talk to whoever, you can direct message people, and since it's based off location you could meet up with someone if you really wanted to." Lapis explained, crushing the hash and spreading it over the top of the bowl.

"Are you feeling bad?" Peridot asked, setting the drug dealer's phone down.

"Something about being out here at night is making me feel very lonely. Well..." Lapis looked back at Peridot before standing up, "I **was** feeling lonely."

They walked outside and leaned against the deck as they smoked, looking out at the lake.

"How did you start dealing drugs?" Peridot asked, shivering a bit as the wind blew through them.

"Huh.. I just did? That was just how you made money. I grew up around drugs." Lapis shrugged, "When I was little my mom would have me bring people drugs or get drugs from people. I didn't really start selling until I was fourteen though. I scrounged up a bunch of money, bought my supply and never stopped dealing."

Peridot nodded her head slowly, watching Lapis take a toke before taking the pipe back from her.

"What happened to your legs?" The drug dealer asked after she blew out her hit.

"Plane crash. I was sixteen and I was coming home from visiting my aunt. Only half the people on the flight survived." Peridot replied.

"You are slowly becoming one of the most badass people I know." Lapis commented.

"Slowly? I didn't fall from the sky for slowly." Peridot snickered as they headed back inside. Lapis was right, she did feel a bit more tired.

"Well, good night." Lapis mused, sitting back down on the couch and opening up her phone again.

But Peridot stood there, contemplating. Maybe it was the pleasant high or the nature getting to her, but she didn't want to leave Lapis out here all alone.

"The couch can't seriously be that comfortable. You can share my bed with me, if you want." The blonde offered.

Lapis looked up at those piercing green eyes and shook her head, "Nah, you don't want me to do that."

"Why?"

"Because I sleep in my underwear and cuddle really hard." Lapis replied.

"Are you serious?" Peridot deadpanned, narrowing her eyes.

"As a heart attack." The drug dealer placed a hand on her chest for posterity.

"Please don't take your clothes off." The blonde groaned, walking down the hall. 

Lapis laughed and followed her, "But I can cuddle you? I make no promises, sometimes it just happens."

"Maybe it'll be nice. If you keep your clothes on."


	6. Lake Trip Pt. 2

Peridot did not end up waking up to an underwear clad Lapis Lazuli, but the blue haired woman was clinging onto her really hard. She'd managed to get herself on top of the blonde with her legs around Peridot's hips, face in the crook of her neck.

"Hey! Wake up!" Peridot muttered, unable to get up in this position. She grabbed Lapis' shoulders and shook them as hard as she could, but it didn't give her great results.

"No.. Please.." Lapis mumbled sleepily, snuggling into her.

"Come on, Lazuli! I thought you wanted to swim! Hey!" Peridot snapped, trying to at least turn. But apparently she didn't need to, because at the mention of swimming Lapis' eyes shot. She looked down at Peridot in confusion, before looking around the room.

"Oh.. That's right. The trip." Lapis murmured, releasing the blonde from her grip and getting up.

"What the hell? You had me pinned!" Peridot hissed, sitting up and maneuvering herself to the edge of the bed to put her prothethics on.

"That's how I cuddle. I told you that you didn't want to share a bed with me." Lapis retorted, leaving the room to grab her clothes from the living room. The drug dealer grabbed a her bag and locked herself in the bathroom.

Peridot rolled her eyes when she saw Lapis walk past her room to get there. This woman was constantly leaving her behind. Not five minutes ago she was being held down by the drug dealer, but as soon as Lapis wakes up she takes off and doesn't even apologize.

The blonde decided to brush it off and walked to the kitchen to get some water.

\-------------------------------

Lapis closed the door and sunk to the floor. Shit. What the hell was that? She hadn't done that to someone since back when Malachite was constantly threatening to leave her before she woke up. She looked down at her suddenly shaking hands and sighed. Her head was killing her. She needed a fix bad. She hadn't had much yesterday. Just enough to stop the nagging feeling that the withdraws gave her.

It was like being painfully hungry, but for meth. Which was ironic since it was so hard to eat when she was tweeking. She grabbed her bag and pulling out a clear, thin pipe and a bag full of tiny crystals. She pinched some of them into the pipe before grabbing a lighter and swishing it under the pipe until smoke began building up and the substance started to liquefy. 

She'd been letting out a deep breath while she waited, now followed with a long inhale until there was practically nothing left before setting the pipe on the counter to cool down.

She blew out the thin, wispy cloud before repeating the cycle before pulling open another bag and swallowing a small rock of heroin. She then finally changed into her swim suit. Lapis looked into the mirror at her dilated pupils and skinny frame, frowning.

"Junkie bitch." She huffed, grabbing all her stuff and leaving the bathroom to go smoke a cigarette outside. Fifteen minutes to get herself back to semi-normal and she still wasn't there yet. She was halfway through a cigarette and chatting with Amethyst when she saw Peridot with a bottle of pills. The blonde poured four into her hand and swallowed them.

Then Lapis noticed Pearl walking out of the bathroom looking absolutely pissed. Fuck. She forgot about Pearl's distaste for her nasty habit. The taller woman trudged forward the door, pulling it open with her left arm. Her right one must have still hurt.

"Don't fucking smoke meth in my bathroom. No smoking in the house means everything!" Pearl snapped, stealing a cigarette from Lapis' pack and struggling to light it with her non-dominant hand, "And go get me some water."

"It doesn't even smell like anything." Lapis grumbled, putting her cigarette down in the ashtray.

"It smells like nasty chemicals." Pearl grimaced, "Don't be a pain."

"Yeah, yeah." Lapis muttered, walking inside to grab Pearl a glass of water.

"That's what you were doing in the bathroom? No breakfast for you then, huh?" Peridot asked, sitting on the counter and eating an apple.

"Yep." Lapis responded, filling up the glass before leaning over and stealing a bite of the blonde's apple. She chewed it up and swallowed it begrudgingly even though the act of doing so felt absolutely repulsive.

"Hey!" Peridot glared, pulling the fruit to her chest.

"Breakfast for me, pill popper." Lapis headed back outside and set the water on the table next to Pearl before lighting another one. Peridot followed her to join everyone.

"Everyone's so grumpy. It's ten already, guys! We should get hyped!" Amethyst exclaimed, leading to a groan in unison from the other girls.

"You were the only one that slept well last night." Lapis pointed out, "I've got more uppers, but Peridot already took her's and Pearl only likes depressants. Soo... more booze?"

"Yeah, let's do it." Pearl sighed, chugging the water before pressing the cold glass against her bruised arm, "Make them cold."

Peridot simply nodded her head as she finished eating her apple.

Twenty minutes and a drink later everyone was in a much better mood, especially Lapis now that the heroin she ate was starting to dissolve. It wasn't as good as shooting it, but she hadn't wanted to take that much time and she only needed a small fix so she wouldn't be a complete mess.

"So what all do you have, Lapis?" Amethyst asked, coming back from getting her swimsuit on and grabbing another drink.

"Uhhh let me go get it." The drug dealer ran inside and grabbed her bag, pulling what appeared to be a lunch box out of it before coming back.

Everyone crowded around as she opened it, revealing a bunch of bags all different sizes as well as a few pill bottles.

"Okay, we got: meth, ecstasy, weed, shrooms, tiny bit of PCP, xanax, vicodin, heroin, ketamine, hash, valium and..." Lapis trailed off, "some fentanyl and naloxone."

"Fentanyl?" Pearl asked, "I haven't heard of that."

"Yeah.. I'll tell you about it later. Don't sweat it." Lapis replied, "So did somebody want something or was this just for show and tell? Because I'm gonna do a couple lines."

"I'll take some vicodin and valium." Pearl said, looking rather thoughtful about it.

"Wait! You mean like.. for free?" Amethyst asked, eyes wide as she stared up at the drug dealer.

"Yeah. This is my vacation too. I'm not selling anything to anybody." The drug dealer replied, "Let's get this over with so we can go swimming already."

"This is way too many options..." The latina mumbled, looking over everything again, "Molly and weed.. shrooms later?"

"Wait, for real? Oh fuck yeah I didn't think anyone was actually going to want to trip out! Let's do it!" Lapis grinned.

"No. No way. I am not babysitting anyone and you two will probably die in the woods if you get outside." Pearl objected.

"Peridot could do it! Please P-Dot!" Amethyst pleaded, grabbing her friend's hands.

"I-I don't know. I wouldn't know what to do..." Peridot faltered, looking away.

"Hey, don't worry about it. Two people is a bit much for a new babysitter anyways. I won't trip this time. I'm doing enough anyways. I can babysit Amethyst." Lapis sighed, "It'll give me time to do some weird arts and crafts while I tweek."

"Approved." Pearl stated, going inside to get another drink. Amethyst high-fived Lapis then went inside as well to get some water for her ecstasy. 

"Can I.. snort some meth with you?" Peridot asked timidly, looking away.

"You sure that's a good idea? What about the whole 'hard drugs' thing? What about your pills?" Lapis asked, pulling a small mirror and a razor out of the bag. She spread the crystals out over the glass, crushing them into dust.

"I don't know. But I didn't know about the ecstasy either and that turned out okay. And I don't know about you about.. but I never will if I don't try to. And ever since you said my stuff was crap it's all I've been able to think about." Peridot mumbled, "And I haven't been able to get as high lately. I've been worried to take more since what happened when we met."

"Well you're just full of big thoughts, aren't you?" Lapis smirked, "Your stuff is crap. And you've been building a tolerance to it. You're a fiend, just like the rest of us. You can have some, but give me a second."

The drug dealer grabbed a straw from her bag, cutting it to a fourth of it's size before using a razor to separate the power into lines. Three big ones, two small ones. She ripped the three in quick succession, leaning back and sniffling a bunch before rubbing her nose.

"So you just saw me do it. Just do the same thing. You know how to snort something, right?" Lapis chattered on quickly, encouraged to continue talking by a single nod of Peridot's head, "Okay, so just one more thing... It's going to hurt. Like it's cutting your nose to shreds. Just bare with it."

That last bit of information worried Peridot a bit, but she'd made her mind up to do this and nothing could be more painful than loosing her legs. What was a little nose pain? She took the straw from Lapis and snorted the substance before she could give herself a chance to second guess it again.

Shit, Lapis was right. It felt like a bunch of tiny shards of glass had lodged themselves into her sinus. Now Peridot knew why the drug dealer kept sniffling. It didn't hurt as bad as it dissolved though, and suddenly she was feeling quite the head change. Her thoughts were rushing. It felt so clean, cutting through the haze the pills gave her.

And what else was this feeling? When she looked at Lapis' smirking face she could finally place it, because that smirk wasn't making her feel worried like it usually did. It was confidence. Unadulterated, no fucks given confidence. Was this how Lapis felt all the time?

"And just so you know, snorting it sucks. I only do it to get a quick fix." Lapis mused, "You like it, don't you?"

"Yeah.. I like it a lot." Peridot replied, shooting back a smirk of her own before she snorted the second line.

Lapis' eyes lit up, "Welcome to the club."

\---------------------------------------

"You gotta kick, P-Dot!" Amethyst yelled, swimming around them in a large circle.

"She's right. I mean, I can just keep holding onto you if you want but that's not actually swimming." Lapis mused, hands under Peridot's armpits to help the blonde stay above the water.

"This is exhausting! How are you doing it?!" Peridot snapped, kicking her legs frantically.

"I know how to swim. Apparently you haven't got a clue." Lapis replied, "Did you swim before?"

"Not well, but yeah." Peridot huffed, trying to kick harder.

"This isn't working. Come here, we'll do this kiddie style." The blue haired woman stated before abruptly pulling the blonde closer to her and turning Peridot on her stomach in the water. The drug dealer put her arms out under her stomach and hips.

"What the hell?!" Peridot hissed, spitting out the mouthful of water she'd almost inhaled.

"I need to see what you're doing wrong. Now kick."

"Fuck you! I'm not doing anything wrong!"

"Peridot for the love of god just kick!"

The blonde screamed out in pure frustration, but kicked nonetheless. She felt like she was being treated like a child and hated it. Perhaps more than that was the feeling of being so painfully out of control.

Lapis sighed, pulling the blonde back into an upright position, "You suck at this. You're not thinking about it at all. Look, you have to support your body with your legs. And all things considered those legs are making your body even heavier. You don't just need to move fast you need to move smart. Think strong, broad movements. Then think fast."

Peridot wanted to scream again, but it occurred to her that Lapis was right. She wasn't thinking about it. She was just thinking 'swim'. She wasn't thinking about the technical side of it at all because she'd written it off as a childish activity. She'd blinded herself with ignorance, instead of using her brilliant mind to excel. And that was just plain stupid.

Lapis smirked as the blonde began to struggle less. She let go of Peridot entirely as she no longer felt to need to stabilize her. Peridot seemed perfectly capable of doing it herself and Lapis enjoyed the view of the shit-eating grin on the other woman's face as she managed to stay above water all by herself.

"Amethyst said you were bad at it. I didn't think that meant that you could only desperately paddle with your arms." Lapis chuckled, dunking her head underwater before slinging it back up to cool herself down.

"I'm better at more useful things." Peridot mumbled, making an attempt to swim closer to the drug dealer only to have her swim farther away.

"Guess that's another way we're different!" Lapis called out, swimming farther and farther away as the blonde chased after her.

Peridot wasn't going to be let Lapis leave her behind again.

\---------------------------------

When they got out of water the sun was going down. Amethyst had gone inside an hour ago, leaving them out there to play their game of chase alone. They were both exhausted, but Lapis opted to go upstairs to get Peridot's regular set of prosthetic legs while the blonde dried off. It seemed fair since Peridot had made swimming extra fun and it was her fault that they hadn't stopped.

She wasn't prepared to open to door to a bunch of loud moans and clothes strewn down the hallway. She ran to Peridot's room, grabbed the legs, and got the hell out of there.

"You won't believe this!" Lapis cried, rushing down the steps and over to where Peridot sat by the lake.

"What?" The blonde asked, rolling her eyes at the childish reaction.

"They're fucking! They're so loud!" Lapis laughed, sinking to the ground beside the other woman.

"Oh wow. I wonder when that became a thing. I wasn't aware that they were interested in each other." Peridot shrugged, changing her prosthetics.

"Interested in each other's guts." Lapis rolled her eyes, grabbing her pack of the table and lighting up a smoke.

"You think we'll be out here for a while?" The blonde asked, standing up.

"No idea. I left all my drugs on the patio though, so I'm sure we can figure out something to keep us preoccupied."

"Is that just what you do? Drugs, all the time 24/7?"

"Yep. I go into withdraws if I sober up. Plus if I can be high why would I not want to be?" Lapis replied, "Life is boring without drugs."

"Am I boring?" Peridot frowned.

Lapis seemed thoughtful for a moment, before shaking her head, "No. You aren't boring. But you're pretty much just another drug to me."

"What?" The blonde was incredibly confused by this response.

"Infatuation. It's a drug all on it's own. And I'm hooked. What are we going to do about it?"

Peridot's jaw dropped, eyes wide as she stared at that horrible smirk and those crazy blue eyes. This woman was insane. Without a doubt totally bonkers. Who said stuff like that? Was this what she had meant that night about not being uninterested? The blonde had planned to ask about it, but she didn't think she'd get this sort of response before she'd even been able to pose the question.

"You're a criminal.." Peridot murmured.

"I am." Lapis mused.

"And I don't know you."

"That's possibly a good thing."

"You're unstable and unreliable."

"Not untrue."

With every exchange Peridot backed further away only to have Lapis advance forward with an absolutely predatory look in her eyes.

"You'll chew me up and spit me out." Peridot whispered, back to a tree as Lapis grabbed her chin.

"You said yourself that you'll never know unless you try."


	7. Lake Trip Pt. 3

"W-What about your girlfriend?! The one it's complicated with!" Peridot spat out, though she immediately regretted it once she saw Lapis recoil.

The drug dealer released the grip she had, taking a step back and extending her arms out, "Take a look around. You see her anywhere?"

"No, but that doesn't change-"

But they were interrupted by an excited Amethyst who ran down the stairs chattering on about fireworks and asking Lapis to take them to get some at the stands in town.

Lapis didn't skip a beat in accepting, if only to get away from the conversation. She ran up the stairs to change and Peridot glared at her as she slowly followed suit.

Peridot changed while Lapis simply covered her swim suit with a tank top and pair of shorts before they headed back outside.

When they got down there they saw Pearl and Amethyst waiting at the car. Well, if you called making out waiting. Peridot watched them with a grossed out expression on her face.

She turned to look at Lapis, who didn't mirror her disgust and only smirked as she unlocked the car. They jumped at the sound, Pearl quickly pulling away.

"Do you think I'm some sort of predator?" Lapis mocked in a tone to match Pearl's voice.

"I thought they were younger!" Pearl huffed.

"Oh, I get it. You just like to fuck girls who look like they're jail bait." Lapis laughed, getting into the car, "What are we waiting for?"

Pearl narrowed her eyes at the drug dealer and begrudgingly got into the back seat with Amethyst as Peridot got in the front.

The blonde was beginning to wonder if pissing people off was a hobby of Lapis' since she seemed so talented at it. She had a way about her that made it hard to stay mad at her no matter what she said or did, and it had Peridot silently simmering as they drove off.

\----------------------------------------

Peridot watched through the window as Lapis stood in line with Amethyst at the fireworks stand. She had opted to go inside the store beside it with Pearl.

They were in charge of getting hot dogs, marshmallows, and basically anything else that sounded good cooked over a fire pit.

Pearl called her name and she tore her eyes from the drug dealer's form to meet Pearl's disapproving gaze.

"So much for not getting any closer than friends?" Pearl asked, tossing a few items in their cart, "Are you sure it's a good idea?"

"N-No it's not like that. We haven't done anything. But she wants to. I don't know how to feel about it. Then I brought up her girlfriend-"

"You talked about Malachite?" Pearl's eyes widened, the bag of marshmallows in her hands falling to the ground, "What did she say?"

"Basically nothing. She ran from the conversation as soon as possible. I don't get it. I don't get **her!** She's just so confusing." Peridot sighed, leaning down to pick up the bag and set it in their chart.

"You want to understand. Even if it feels like you're walking into a void with no clue of what's on the other side." Pearl murmured.

"Exactly!" Peridot groaned, throwing her hands up in frustration, "It's so stressful!"

"I knew someone like that. She was.. fantastic. And I loved her, more than anything. Like Lapis her spirit was overwhelming, much too big for her body." Pearl chuckled sadly, slowly pushing the chart through the store.

"Wait.. but what about Amethyst? I thought you guys were.. you know." Peridot asked. Was everyone like this, like Lapis? Did no one take sexual relations seriously?

"Oh no, that person is... gone. Big stars burn bright and fast." Pearl sighed, "But don't have your misgivings about Amethyst and I. She seems like a nice girl, but we just met. It's not like we're in love or anything."

"I was under the illusion that people cared about stuff like knowing each other before they engaged each other sexually." Peridot mumbled, looking over at the shelves so she no longer had to make eye contact with Pearl.

"If it matters to you, then of course. You set the rules for your own sexual interactions." Pearl shrugged, "But it's not like it has to be a must. If it was there wouldn't be one night stands. Besides, you don't truly know anyone until you've been with them for years. There's no shame in sleeping with someone just because you want to."

"Whom is sleeping with whom?" Lapis' voice cut through their conversation as she walked up with Amethyst, bag of fireworks in hand.

"Don't worry about it. Let's get the rest of the stuff and go before the sun goes down." Pearl replied.

\----------------------------------------------

"Why did you sleep with Pearl?" Peridot asked, looking away from her friend while they set up the fire.

"Because she's hot and was willing. Why?" Amethyst shrugged.

"Lapis came on to me earlier today. I don't know what to do. On one hand it's highly impractical, but on the other hand.. I think I might want to." The blonde sighed, face pulled down into a neat frown.

"That's a tough call. Pearl's just a tattoo artist. Lapis is a drug dealer and addict. And didn't you say she had a girlfriend or something? You sure you want to get involved in that?" Amethyst thought it over, "I guess it doesn't really matter though if you're just going to sleep with her. Except the girlfriend thing. You should probably figure that out."

"Lapis said that she took off a year ago." Peridot murmured, "But what does that mean for them?"

"Don't know what it means for them, but sounds like you're in the clear my friend." Amethyst replied, starting up the fire, "If it's what you want to do. Is it?"

"I'm not sure." Peridot watched the flames engulf the fodder underneath the logs, licking at the wood as it spread and grew.

Pearl and Lapis made their way over, the former looking rather angry. Lapis held a blank expression on her face as she sat next to the fire and soaked up the warmth. It had gotten especially cold that night and she'd been shivering as she walked up. 

Pearl started lecturing them on the proper way to handle fire, but Peridot just watched Lapis from across the flames. The blonde had never seen her look so emotionless before, so empty. Peridot wondered what was wrong, but didn't know if she should say anything so instead she simply decided to sit next to the drug dealer.

Lapis seemed surprised by it for a second, but it didn't shake her out of her mood and when everyone started heating up hot dogs she didn't bother to even make it look like she was going to eat anything.

When Pearl and Amethyst snuck off to get some drinks for everyone before they broke into the fireworks Peridot decided it would be as good a time as any to try to say something. What better way to break the ice than with a joke?

"What's an astronaut's favorite key on a keyboard?" The blonde asked, waving around a semi burnt marshmallow.

"What?" Lapis looked confused, shaken out of her stupor.

"The space bar!" Peridot grinned, before stuffing the mound of sugar into her mouth.

Lapis' jaw dropped and she stared at the blonde in absolute awe before snickering a bit. She turned to actually face Peridot, a gentle smile on her face. Peridot almost gasped at the expression. She wasn't aware that Lapis could look like this. Was this even the same person?

"You know, I actually wanted to be an astronaut when I was a kid." Lapis mused, looking up at the stars.

"Why didn't you?" Peridot asked.

"Well, it wasn't very practical. People told me it was downright stupid, and they were right. There was no way I'd ever make it into space, there would always be someone better than me or more suited." Lapis murmured, "But.. You know how people say they were born in the wrong time?"

"Yeah." Peridot replied, then turned it upward to the sky as well.

"I always thought I was born in the wrong place. That I should be up there, out in space. I dreamed of it constantly and it felt so right, so real. An alien, gliding on the stars. I still dream of it when I don't have nightmares instead. When I get high sometimes it's almost like I'm there." Lapis laughed sadly, hugging herself tightly, "I know, it sounds crazy. But in my defense, I am pretty crazy."

"No, I don't think that sounds crazy. It sounds beautiful.. and sad. And if anyone is an alien to me, it's definitely you." Peridot looked down to meet her eyes with those dark blue ones. This woman was still as dangerous as ever, but now she could see the person behind it all.

"I guess I can still wax poetic when I was to." Lapis' lips pulled into a big and bright smile, "I've heard sad before, but never beautiful. So let me thank you."

The blonde's eyes widened, heart feeling like it was going to hemorrhage as Lapis leaned in and pressed her lips against Peridot's. It wasn't what she expected at all. It was so gentle, heartfelt, and so, so warm. It was a shame when it was over, and Peridot felt ashamed for wanting it not to be.

She swore when Lapis pulled away she could see a million stars in her eyes. Peridot sat there in a stunned silence when Lapis stood up and waved a goodbye at her before running up the stairs to no doubt get into some form of trouble.

Peridot touched her lips as she felt the sensation fade and then buried her face in her hands. This was not good. There was no possible way this could end well. One way or another this would to destroy her. What was this impulsive, all encompassing feeling? Just fading desire she hoped as she watched everyone come back down to the fire pit.

Everyone drank and laughed as they messed around with sparklers. Peridot watched as Lapis jumped around, waving her sparkler like a maniac and laughing. Her heart felt tight, and she couldn't help but smile as she watching the blue haired woman have fun.

She found herself watching Lapis all night, and all these fireworks seemed like nothing compared to the wonderful glimpse of Lapis Lazuli she saw earlier. And apparently it showed, because an hour later when everyone put out the fire and Pearl ran off with Amethyst, Lapis came up and wrapped her arms around the blonde.

"You keep staring at me." Lapis mused, "Don't tell me all it took was one kiss and my pity party to get you interested."

"It wasn't just that. But I think it helped. I've.. never been kissed like that before." Peridot murmured, allowing Lapis to sway them side to side.

"I've never had anyone not call me an idiot for my stupid ramblings. You called me beautiful for what I had to say. It felt nice." Lapis gave her a sad smile and Peridot felt her heart race as she looked into those big blue eyes.

"This... is probably a bad idea, isn't it? I still don't know you and.. and this is just crazy, isn't it?" Peridot asked, searching the other woman's eyes for the answers.

"A bad idea? Probably. And I mean, I told you I was crazy, so that's likely true as well." Lapis replied.

"Is it worse that I can't bring myself to care right now?" Peridot mumbled, leaning closer.

"I think so." 

Their lips met each other's in a sloppy fashion and once again it was different. They were drunker, clumsier, and they touched each other like needy lovers. Desperately falling into each other's grasp they'd ended up in the bedroom Peridot was staying in for this weekend before either of them knew it.


	8. Going Home

Peridot groaned when she woke up, eyes trying to focus on the scene before her. A very naked Lapis Lazuli, clinging to her side, a leg thrown over her hips. The blonde shot up into sitting position, hands reaching up to cover her mouth as everything came flooding back to her. Lapis let out a groan of her own at the movement, though she just shifted a bit closer instead of waking up.

"Idiot... Peridot you are a fucking idiot..." The blonde whispered to herself, leaning forward to grab the sheets and pull them higher up. But when she did she caught sight of Lapis' back and nearly lost her shit. Scratch marks ran up the drug dealer's back, dried blood in some spots. She looked down at her fingernails to find blood under them as well.

"Lapis! Lapis, wake up your ba-" Peridot started shaking her, trying to tell her and maybe get some help processing it. But all she got was a hand reaching up to cover her mouth.

"Shut up. I know, I could feel it. Let me sleep." Lapis' tired voice uttered, hand dropping before she pulled her leg off the blonde. It effectively freed Peridot and she got ready and dressed as fast as humanly possible to get the hell out of that room.

She dashed into the open bathroom, closing the door to survey the damage. To her surprise and relief there was none, aside from a hickey on her hip. At least there was that. She decided to get her swimming prosthetics from the living room and take a shower.

When she got out she spotted a blue head of hair out of the deck, but no other signs of life. The blonde rushed outside to find a very groggy Lapis smoking a cigarette, hair a total disaster, but the real kicker was the mass of hickeys going from her neck to her shoulder. 

"L-La-La-Lapis y-your neck.." Peridot stammered, face flush in embarrassment.

"I know. I was there, remember? I bet it's pretty impressive." Lapis murmured as she looked out at the lake.

"I am **so** sorrry! I wasn't thinking-"

"Calm down. Think **now**. I would have stopped you if I didn't like it, right?" Lapis blew out a big puff of smoke, tired eyes meeting Peridot's.

"You.. What? But the scratch marks too...?" Peridot's chest tightened as Lapis simply nodded her head, "What the fuck..." 

Lapis just hummed in agreement. The blonde didn't believe she'd ever seen the other woman so quiet before. Peridot kept seeing different sides of the drug dealer and she wasn't entirely sure what to make of it. She watched Lapis put her cigarette out and walk inside to grab her bag and go to the bathroom as she tried to figure it all out.

The blonde sat on the patio, stealing a cigarette from Lapis' pack. She almost never smoked, but if there was ever a moment to have one it was now. She sat on the first step of the stairs, wide eyes staring down at her feet.

She'd had sex with a criminal last night. A criminal that she'd only met a little over three months ago, but had only truly interacted with a total of three times before this trip. A completely reckless, beautiful criminal with lips like fire and a hidden gentle smile. Peridot could only conclude that she was going completely insane.

They went home today and she was starting to wonder if Lapis would pull her usual vanishing act after they parted ways. She wondered if she'd **ever** see Lapis again after this. For whatever reason the thought of never seeing the drug dealer again not only brought relief but also made her feel a little forlorn.

A part of her still very much wanted to see Lapis getting into her usual trouble and making jokes in bad taste. She wanted to see more of the part of Lapis that wished she was out in space and dreamed of the stars. She felt like she would even possibly miss the Lapis that smirked like it was going out of style and teased the blonde.

But it was all for the best, right? Lapis was ultimately bad news. It wasn't like Peridot could just date a drug dealer, and she was pretty sure that Lapis had next to no interest in dating anyone. It was better that this all ended now.

\-------------------------------------------------

Lapis yawned, walking out of the bathroom and drying off her hair, "They're still not up?"

"Nope." Peridot replied, eyes glued to the drug dealer's neck and shoulder. She still couldn't believe that she did that.

Lapis noticed the staring and smirked, "You left a fucking galaxy on me."

The blonde faltered, but then furrowed her brow. Two could play at this, "You said you wanted to go to space."

"So you're going to take me there?" Lapis asked, sauntering over to the blonde.

"I can at least make you see stars." Peridot responded, refusing to shy away from this, "I did last night."

Lapis laughed, putting her hands on the blonde's hips, "Look at you, all big and bad. Where'd all the confidence come from?"

"Yo lovebirds!" Amethyst announced, walking into the room followed by an uncertain looking Pearl, "Oh damn Lazuli! You look like you got attacked!"

"You could say that." Lapis mused, retreating into the kitchen, "Pancakes, anyone?"

"God yes!" Amethyst cheered.

They ate breakfast, Lapis scarfing down nearly as much food as Amethyst much to Peridot's surprise. The blonde figured the drug dealer was probably crashing, what with the new found ability to eat paired with how tired she looked and all. Regardless it was surprising to see Lapis consume anything other than booze and drugs with any amount of enthusiasm.

The pancakes that Pearl had no doubt taken over in making were good, but not **that** good. Even Pearl watched on in amusement as Lapis and Amethyst annihilated a stack of pancakes together. When they finished they started packing everything up while Pearl cleaned up any left over messes. Peridot blushed when she saw Lapis walk by with their sheets to take them to the washing machine.

When they finished Amethyst announced that she was going to get a ride back with Pearl later that night, possibly even tomorrow. Lapis didn't seem to care, but Peridot was kind of looking forward to not being trapped in a car with the very person she was trying to convince herself to not get anymore involved with so it made her panic a bit.

"What's wrong P-Dot? Sad the weekends over?" Amethyst asked.

"Can't blame her, can you? This was so much fun and it's so nice here. I can die happy now." Lapis mused, a wistful smile gracing her face as she shoved her bag in the car.

Peridot caught a flash of rage cross Pearl's face at Lapis' words though, a look very much resembling the same one she had last night.

"Always in bad taste." Pearl muttered, walking away after uttering a curt goodbye to them.

"She's still mad, huh?" Peridot murmured, walking over to the passenger side door.

"Guess so." Lapis sighed, lighting up a cigarette as she unlocked the car. They got in and the air felt tense as the drug dealer smoked and flipped through a binder filled with CDs before picking one. 

"What's she so mad about?" The blonde brought herself to finally ask. The question brought a scowl to Lapis' face.

"I don't think I should tell you. It might affect your psyche negatively." The drug dealer replied, pulling out of the driveway and setting off of the long road back home.

"I'm an adult, I think I can handle it." Peridot rolled her eyes, cranking down the window a bit.

"If you say so. Well, last week I went to get my supply and to my surprise they have a bunch of this cheap drug they want me to push that's like heroin. I said fine and went back home to do some quality control on it. Well, you know that rash of drugs that went across Boston, killing a ton of people? The police even had to do a free drop for it, no arrests made because they wanted people to stop dying." Lapis mumbled.

"Yeah, I heard about that. A bunch of pills with a grim reaper pressed into them." Peridot replied, not really liking where this was going.

"Well I didn't. But Jasper did, so when I told her I shot some she rushed home. Problem was she was out in the country and it took her half an hour to get home. By that time I'd already started going blue. My fingers, my toes, my lips.. All blue. My body had become so relaxed and I was so out of it that I just stopped breathing." Lapis gripped onto the steering wheel tightly, "Jasper rushed in and gave me naloxone and I started breathing again. And puking. Lots of puking. It was a close call."

Peridot sat there in a stunned silence. Was Lapis telling her that she almost died?

"So I told Pearl about it and being Pearl she completely lost it. Crying and screaming, the works. She said she didn't want to lose another friend. Doesn't want to see my corpse." Lapis murmured, eyes fixed on the road, "I told her she's being ridiculous because it's inevitable. I can't keep doing this and not get caught up in something that's going to kill me. I don't plan to quit either. I'm a dead woman walking and that's fine by me. So she's pretty mad at me right now."

The blonde clenched her jaw, glaring down at the ground. This was some sort of sick joke, right?

Lapis didn't care if she lived or died? Lapis, who joked at the expensive of others and walked around like she owned the word. Who saved her life the very first time Peridot met her. The same Lapis that hugged sad girls at raves, who clung to Peridot in her sleep, who gave her the blonde the sweetest kiss of her life. The girl that dreamed of the stars, the same person she'd shared a bed with **last night.**

It was one thing for Lapis to be aware of the danger in her life, but it was something else entirely for her to just plain not care about it. 

Lapis was right for not wanting to tell her, because right now Peridot wished she didn't know that this was a side of her. The blonde much preferred the dreamer or the merciless joker- hell, even the downright selfish bitch was better than this! 

"I don't blame her at all. You know she really cares about you, right?" Peridot muttered.

"We're addicts Peridot. Both Pearl and I. We double our chances in the shitty death roulette by using, and I quadruple it by selling. She knows this, she just doesn't want to face it. That's her problem, not mine. I know full well the sorts of things that could happen to me at any given moment. I'm not afraid."

"She loves you." Peridot leveled, "I bet a lot of people do."

"I love her too. She's my closest friend, but that doesn't magically change my mind. I've been through a lot of shit, and I've seen some awful things. I haven't lived long but even I can see that life is a bottomless glass of despair. I say cheers. I'm going to party until it's time to bite the bullet and take a dirt nap."

"Then may I suggest not getting other people involved in your march to death. Some of us might end up concerned about you." The blonde scowled.

Blue eyes looked away from the road and at Peridot for a split second before she heard a deep sigh.

"I told you it might affect your psyche negatively. Even though you're rough around the edges I can tell you have a soft heart. You're kind enough to care for a silly girl you slept with once. The world needs people like you. Who I am and what I do is all bad. I'm telling you this because you asked and because I like you. Avoid people like me and keep being a gorgeous genius."

"I know you're bad news.. But part of me really wanted to get to know you better. I really liked the girl with the pretty thoughts of being an alien out among the stars." Peridot murmured.

Lapis let out a small, sad laugh, "Thanks. No one else does, but I guess someone was bound to."

They didn't speak the rest of the way back, letting the calm music playing fill in the silence for them for the whole last hour back until they pulled up the Peridot's dorms.

"Guess this is it." Lapis shrugged, "Thanks for last night. It was one to remember."

"Yeah I don't think I'll be able to forget it either. I've never done that before..." Peridot trailed off, face reddening at the sight of Lapis' bruised neck.

"What?! You were a virgin?! Sweet Mary mother of God.. I'm going to hell."

"No, you clod! I was talking about the hickeys and the scratching.." The blonde mumbled, looking away.

"You know, it was a rather aggressively possessive thing to do." Lapis pointed out, a devilish glint in her eyes, 

"I know. I'm so sorry, I have no idea what came over me." Peridot apologized once more, surveying the damage she caused.

"Want to do it again?" The drug dealer smirked, and that crazed look was back in her eyes but the blonde wasn't afraid.

"One last time." Peridot didn't skip a beat.

"One last time." Lapis leaned in with the kiss that sealed the deal.


	9. The Fourth Encounter

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The song is I Want You featuring Rumours by Elephante

It was like seeing a mirage. A year ago she had bid Lapis Lazuli a good farewell, and ever since then a few strange things had happened to Peridot as a side effect of meeting the bizarre woman.

First was that whenever she was not focused on a task she would inevitably start to think about Lapis. Second was that thinking about Lapis made her feel immensely unhappy. Third was that she'd picked up smoking cigarettes, because for whatever reason the smell of tobacco made her feel a little bit better. 

You could image her frustration when she realized the reason why was that Lapis always at least faintly smelled like tobacco.

Other side effects included, but were not limited to: cursing Lapis' existence because how could someone be such a beautiful mess, extreme bouts of frustration with Lapis' choices in life, an extreme lack of excitement in anything she did, and last but not least an extreme boost in confidence.

She found that once you find equal footing in a conversation with a person like Lapis Lazuli you could literally say anything to anyone and not care at all. She found herself standing up straighter, staring straight forward instead of looking at the ground, and her once apathetic feelings towards her peers had ground down to pure tolerance.

People had begun to bore her. Everyone was so painfully normal. The only person who she could even stand to hang out with anymore was Amethyst, though she did occasionally text Pearl.

Things had changed, but apparently the magnetic force that pulled her to the blue haired vixen had not. She was standing across the field of this crappy music festival with a flower crown on her head, getting a beer and smoking a cigarette.

Peridot tried to convince herself of what a bad idea this was, she really did. When she got closer she noticed a short woman chatting Lapis up and she tried to convince her mind to stop, to turn around. Lapis was in fine predatory form, eyes raking over the girl in front of her. The drug dealer was smirking, and a raspy laugh escaped her lips as she rolled her eyes. That was when she spotted Peridot.

Everything stopped, and Lapis was just staring at her. The eye contact felt unbearable but Peridot found she was incapable of breaking it. Finally Lapis ended it, leaving Peridot feeling weak in the knees and shot in the heart.

But this was their agreement, wasn't it? The last time was the last time and they definitely weren't friends. Acquentences to lovers to nothing. The world still turned.

"Do you know her? The freak with the robotic legs." An English voice rang out, the girl Lapis was with looking at her with disgust.

Peridot's jaw dropped and she was fully ready to give this little bitch a piece of her mind. But she didn't get the chance.

"Freak? I shudder to think what you must think of me then. Because I'm into it." Lapis mused, a cold look in her eyes as she set a hand on the girl's shoulder and poured her beer into the short woman's little black flats, "Oh no. Something happened to your shoes. Better go clean them up."

The girl gasped, shoving Lapis away before rushing off, "You stupid slag!"

"Slut of the highest order, Lapis Lazuli at your service! God save the queen!" The drug dealer called after her before breaking out into a fit of laughter.

"I could have taken care of it." Peridot grinned, doing her best to suppress her own laughter. Saying something might have been wrong. It broke their agreement to leave well enough alone.

"But I got to. It was fun." Lapis rebuffed, the smirk ever present on her face, "How have you been?"

A downsprial, leading to them getting Lapis a new beer and going in circles about their lives now. They sat on the side of the hill, far enough from the commotion for there to be a semblance of privacy.

"I finally graduated. I got a great job and have my own place now."

"I'm still living with Jasper. Fuck her if she thinks I'll give up my claim on a property. Do you know how hard it is for a drug dealer to get decent housing?"

"I sort of figured this hadn't changed, but you're still dealing?"

"It's a lifestyle. Drug dealing is never the same but somehow also never changes. Oh well, at least other people can be excited about some new brand of the same old shit."

"How has outer space been?" 

Lapis gave pause with that one, tilting her head up to the sky, "Too close. Not close enough."

"Just like you." Peridot murmured, shaking her head and chugging her own overpriced beer.

"I don't belong here, after all." Lapis closed her eyes and granted Peridot that careful, soft smile once again.

The blonde found herself swooning despite herself and everything she knew, "There you are again."

"Even dreams rotate the Earth. Just like comets waiting to erode in space or create a calamity once they strike the ground." Lapis laughed, eyes opening and watching Peridot carefully.

"A disaster disguised as a glorious flash of light? Yeah that sounds like you."

Peridot smiled recklessly as Lapis crawled in between her legs to claim the blonde's lips as if they belonged against her own.

She smelled like warm, fresh tobacco and kissed like her life depended on it for all of one minute. But then she pulled away, sitting up with a laugh.

"This is a bad idea, you know?" Lapis mused, "I wouldn't want to make both of us liars. Last time was the last time, right?"

Peridot scowled, frustration coursing through her veins, trying to turn her blood to acid as she nodded her head slowly, "It was a bad idea the first time and the second time. It's definitely a bad idea now."

"I'm supposed to be working anyways. The night is still young, after all. Maybe we'll run into each other later. I'll buy you a drink to celebrate the successful life if we do." Lapis offered, before getting up and walking off.

Peridot didn't think she'd ever wanted a drink more in her life. She hadn't planned on staying long. She'd only been there for a freelance project she did for an old friend, just a slight adjustment to a prosthetic hand she'd made last year so they could play at the festival without any worries.

She wasn't supposed to be wandering around a crappy festival. She definitely wasn't supposed to be waiting around for Lapis Lazuli to maybe buy her a drink. But was it really anything new that she was doing things she shouldn't be with Lapis?

Skipping class, doing drugs, and sleeping with the dangerous starry-eyed woman were already on her list of romantic follies. And it couldn't even really be called romantic. What sort of romance included meeting at a gas station bathroom, snorting meth and having rough sex with a stranger?

Peridot sighed, letting out a long exhale of smoke as she glared at the ground. What was wrong with her? If it was a sex thing she could meet someone new or call someone up. Lapis wasn't the only woman in the world. But compared to the drug dealer everyone else seemed inferior in every sense.

"Hey, don't you know smoking kills?" Speak of the devil and she shall appear. Lapis Lazuli in all her flower crowned glory, hips swaying from side to side as she got closer and closer.

Peridot scoffed, "You're one to talk."

“I’m one to do anything.” Lapis retorted, that horrible smirk of her’s strewn across her face, “Ready for that drink?”

“I was born ready.” Peridot stood up, straightening out her clothes, “But screw this place. I’ve got booze back at my apartment.”

“But then how am I supposed to buy you one?” Lapis asked, head tilting to the side ever so slightly in her amusement.

“I don’t need you to buy me anything.” Peridot replied, shrugging her shoulders, “I took a cab here so I’ll ride with you.”

“Who said I agreed to this?” Lapis chuckled, grabbing the blonde’s hand and leading them to the parking lot regardless.

“You’re one to do anything.”

They practically ran to the car, engine roaring to life and music tearing through to silence as Lapis turned the car on.

_“Champagne lights got me high like a trip_  
_Dreams on ice, baby you shake me up_  
_Where have you been”_

“We’re really rolling the dice with this.” Lapis grinned, pulling out of the parking stall and jetting off onto the streets.

“And I’m really not a gambler. Especially when the odds aren’t in my favor at all. I guess you bring out the worst in me.” The blonde laughed.

“I bring out the worst in a lot of people.”

_“I want you_  
_I still want you”_

“I could tell.” Peridot shrugged, telling Lapis where to go and when to turn.

How was this so different and still the same as ever? Being in this beat up car, with this crazy woman and her loud music. Peridot could only assume it was her that was different.

_“You know I really need to hear you say_  
_Please baby one more time for me_  
_I want you_  
_I still want you”_

Lapis pulled into the apartment complex and parked, “You know we could really just call it a night. I could drop you off and we could go our separate ways again.”

“I know.”

———————————————————

After too many drinks and too long a night Peridot woke up with her head pounding, looking over at her partner in crime.

Bites marks littered tan skin and the blonde could still taste the hints of iron in her mouth. Vicious scratches ran across Lapis’ skin, bruises running down the front of her throat and chest.

The blonde had done it yet again. It seemed to get worse every time and she couldn’t figure out why. 

Lapis wasn’t her lover, not her’s to claim. So why did she keep doing this? Peridot brushed her fingers across the indents on Lapis’ shoulder from an especially deep bite.

She’d never done this to any of the girls before Lapis and none of the ones after. What kept possessing her to be so aggressive? She couldn’t wrap her head around why she wanted so badly to leave her mark.

None of this would last and as soon as Lapis walked out the front door they would be strangers again. It was for the better, so why did it feel so bad?

Peridot sighed, sitting up looking down at her body at her own body. Nothing but some hand shaped bruises on her hips. She was the only one that felt this way.

To Lapis this was another night with another girl, one of many. It didn’t matter and it never would. It was just another way to pass the time. Peridot was sure of it.

A hand grabbed her’s, followed by a tiny “Hey..”

“Hey.” Peridot murmured, meeting eyes with the half-lidded woman by her side.

“Admiring your handy work?” Lapis mumbled, sitting up as well and leaning into the blonde sloppily, “How’s it look?”

“Horrifying.” Peridot rested her head against Lapis’ own.

“It was fun.” Lapis yawned, looking over at the clock resting on the blonde’s bedside table, “I should go.”

The drug dealer leaned in a bit closer to give Peridot a parting kiss before pulling away and getting her clothes together.

“Okay.” Peridot frowned, watching Lapis get dressed and grab her wallet and keys before heading out.

The blonde buried her face in her hands after she heard the front door click shut.

—————————————————

Lapis felt like a teenage girl sneaking back into her house, being careful to close the door silently.

It was useless though. Jasper was glaring at her from the couch already, empty beer and liquor bottles lined up on the table in front of her. The blue haired woman hadn’t expected Jasper to stay up all night on a mission to consume as much booze as humanly possible.

“What the fuck happened to you?” The large woman slurred, gesturing at Lapis’ body.

“I met her again. The girl from last summer.” Lapis replied, leaning against the door.

“Give me a break. The one that called your stupid dreams beautiful?” Jasper laughed, “Come on, don’t be an idiot. She just wants to get in your pants.”

“She seemed sincere… I think she likes that part of me.” Lapis murmured, bringing a hand up and resting it against her throat lightly.

“No one likes you, especially not your fucked up delusional side.” Jasper snapped, “Look at you, all torn up by this girl because you think she likes you. Malachite and I love you, but here you are whoring it up around town.”

“Fuck off!” Lapis hissed, fists balling up so tightly her knuckles turned white and her nails dug into her palms, “Are you brain dead?! She’s gone! What about that makes you think that she loved us?!”

“Maybe if you answered her phone calls you would know!”

“I have nothing to say to that heartless bitch!” Lapis dodged the beer bottle that came flying at her, watching it smash to pieces as it hit the door.

She inhaled sharply, biting her lip as she shot Jasper a furious look before retreating to the bathroom.

“You’re a fool! Have fun getting all worked up over this stupid girl **again!** ” Jasper screamed as Lapis slammed the door.

Lapis locked the door quickly, resting her head against the hard wood for a moment and repeating a quiet mantra of, "Don't get mad, don't get mad.."

She turned and faced the mirror as she ripped her clothes off, taking in the full view of her multilated skin. She ran a finger across the bruises and sighed.

"I don't deserve the stars.. Stop leaving me with galaxies." She murmured, "How am I supposed to forget about you when you keep doing this?"


	10. Resisting Temptation

_“O-Oh fuck! Per- **AH!** Don’t stop!”_

_The sound of screamed pleas sent her mind into overdrive and the sight before Peridot was one she couldn’t believe she was seeing. She could never image getting such a reaction out of the drug dealer._

_“I had no such intention.” The blonde replied, bringing one up to grasp the other woman’s throat roughly while the other-_

**EEE!! EEE!! EEE!!**

Peridot gasped, eyes whipping open to the view of her empty apartment. She looked around in a daze before gripping on her hair and pulling at it in a frustrated fashion. She turned off her stupid alarm clock and glared at it.

These dreams were driving her insane. It had been two months since she’d even seen Lapis last but ever since the night of the festival they had been relentless. It was aggravating to say the least.

One night and it appeared she was hooked all over again. She wanted to see Lapis so bad, wanted her to-

Peridot shook her head violently as if the thoughts were like an etch-a-sketch she could erase from her brain. She couldn’t do this. Shouldn’t do this.

And it wasn’t like she really had the option anyways. It took two to tango and it wasn’t like Lapis was calling her up asking to dance.

Why would she? They weren’t supposed to. They were supposed to part ways. Lapis was supposed to do.. whatever she wanted. And Peridot was supposed to focus on her career and her life.

Why did she feel so unhappy with that? She loved her job and she was doing well. Why did she feel the intense need to fuck all that up to shack up and get high with the most unreliable woman on the planet?

Peridot sighed and smeared her hands across her face out of a sleepy frustration. Time to take a cold shower and get on with the day.

—————————————

Lapis leaned against Pearl as they both nodded out on the taller woman’s couch. Needles left on the coffee table as they got lost in the haze of their highs.

She could feel it beginning to lift. How long had they just been laying there? She turned her head to look at the clock and saw that it had been around three hours.

Lapis groaned and sat up properly before lazily grabbing her burner cell. A bunch of texts from desperate customers and they all only managed to annoy her. She couldn’t even get an early morning to herself.

She scowled and started sending out messages that she’d deliver in an hour. She didn’t want to leave just yet, opting to ride out the rest of her high in peace until it was gone.

The last time she’d felt so comfortable was falling asleep with a certain blonde a few months back. She sighed and tried to at least be happy that she could at least sort of capture the same feeling with her newest batch of heroin.

“Why so glum?” Pearl mumbled, leaning further away to get a better look at her friend.

“Just.. Peridot-“

“Lapis don’t.” Pearl groaned, lacking the ability to properly lay into the drug dealer with a good lecture, “You know it’s for the best.”

“I-I know. Trust me, I know.” Lapis murmured, a frown pulling at her lips joined by a stinging feeling in her chest, “It’s just.. I think a part of her really liked a part of me. The part that I… I don’t know. I’ll shut up.”

“It’s for the best.” Pearl repeated, patting her friend on the back gently in attempt to give her any sort of comfort about the situation without encouraging this bad behavior.

“Yeah… I’m going to go smoke a cigarette.” Lapis excused herself, exiting out of the front door of the apartment and sitting in front of the railing.

She sparked up her cigarette and leaned her head against two of the bars, bringing her arm through another one to continue smoking as she looked down.

So many stories up. One hundred and ninety feet in the air and it still wasn’t high enough.

——————————————————————

Peridot had dove right into her work the second she got to the office, doing her very best to stop thinking about her three-time fling. Working through her problems was always what she was best at anyways.

And when things were like this she really felt the need to give into her workaholic tendencies to get through the day. Yet another blue day to try to get over.

After their last fling she’d done the same thing. Getting through school and hanging out with Amethyst were the only things that were making her feel sane through that.

It was worse then, but it still didn’t feel good now. Further proof that fraternizing with Lapis Lazuli was not a good idea.

Before she knew it time had flown. It was time for lunch and she had promised to meet up with Amethyst. It was their once a week catch up, decided upon by Amethyst so that they wouldn’t drift too far apart.

They hung out outside of it as well, but life was busy and this was often times the only reason they would see each other for months on end.

She walked down to the diner since it wasn’t far enough for her to rationalize taking her car. Amethyst was already there was eating a plate of chicken in waffles along with a whole bottle of whipped cream that she’d convinced the waitress to give her.

“You’re going to die young eating like that.” Peridot balked, ordering a ceaser salad.

“You’re going to die boring eating like that.” Amethyst shot back, rolling her eyes as she licked the stray whipped cream off her face.

Peridot just grumbled and waited for her salad. She didn’t have the energy to argue about it today. She fiddled with the packets of sugar on the table in an attempt to distract herself as Amethyst chowed down.

“Homegirl you look glum as all hell. Is this still about Lapis?” Amethyst asked before taking a sip of her iced tea to wash down her food.

“N-No!” Peridot snapped, ripping a packet in half. Sugar poured down onto her lap, punishing her for her blatant lie.

“Yeah right. Whatever. I still don’t get your guys’ weird insistence on not seeing each other despite the fact that you want to fuck like bunnies.” Amethyst sighed, “It doesn’t make any sense.”

Peridot glared at her as the waitress brought over her salad. She politely thanked the woman before engaging with Amethyst again.

“Her profession, her undependable nature, and her need to flirt with anything that moves doesn’t exactly make for girlfriend material. It’s better not to get involved with her. It’ll only end in a mess.” Peridot grumbled, mixing her food around with her fork as she felt her appetite fade.

“Whoa who said anything about girlfriends?! Dude I’m talking about banging it out. Like screwing. Attacking the pink fortress. Boning hardcore.” Amethyst mused, laughing as the blonde began looking increasingly annoyed, “The bedroom rodeo! Buttering the biscuit! Fixing the flap clap!”

“Shut up!” Peridot hissed, “Look, it’s just.. It’s probably not a good idea to be involved with her at all. **Just drop it.** ”

Amethyst looked annoyed, but let it go and they went on with their lunch break together. Her friend caught the blonde up on her life and they chatted about everything interesting that had happened that week before parting ways to go back to work.

And work she did. She worked and worked, paying no mind to the time and guzzled coffee until she realized she was the only one still there. Which she only really found out because of the disgruntled janitor.

Peridot reluctantly got her things together and left the building. She decided that since she was in such a poor mood and Amethyst called her healthy food choices ‘boring’ she would treat herself tonight.

Maybe it would cheer her up.

—————————————————

Lapis put her car into park in front of her house. The driveway was being occupied by two other vehicles. One being Jasper’s and the other being some assholes’.

It was weird though. Jasper’s friends never parked in the driveway and almost never came over. She didn’t recognize the vehicle either. Oh well. Maybe Jasper made a new friend.

Lapis grimaced at the thought of having to deal with anyone after such a busy day, but she told herself that she could always hide in her room. That made her feel a little calmer about the situation.

She unlocked the front door, opening it slowly to try take in the sounds from inside the house so she could maybe hear what she was dealing with. But all she could hear was Jasper excitedly jabbering on. Lapis wondered what could possibly be making her roommate so happy.

She smiled a tiny bit at the hope that Jasper finally found someone and was moving on from Malachite. She opened the rest of the door with a much more positive outlook. Maybe she’d never have to hear about Mala ever again an-

The blood froze in her veins, eyes widening as her smile dropped. All the sound in the room stopped and she could feel their eyes focusing on her. And she could see her nightmare sitting on her couch.

Seafoam hair, emerald eyes and a twisted smile on her face. Lapis could feel herself shaking as her ex stood and started walking closer to her.

Any sound she could have possibly made was caught in her throat and as Malachite reached out to touch her she did the only thing she could think to do.

She ran. 

Sprinted right out of her house and jumped in her car, trying her damnedest to keep her hands steady as she put the keys in the ignition before tearing off down the street.

She was trying to get as far away as possible, but it was getting hard to focus on the road and she was starting to hyperventilate. She had to pull over, so she pulled into the parking lot behind a few businesses for good cover.

Lapis tried her best to calm down and just breathe as she felt hot tears streaming down her face. She eventually got herself to breathe a little easier but her heart was still hammering in her chest.

She grabbed a bag out of the back, pulling out a smaller baggie of pills and downing them with some leftover water from earlier in the day. Lapis pushed the car door open, deciding fresh air would be a good idea.

She smoked a cigarette and paced back in the forth in the back of the parking lot in a paranoid fashion. She felt like a caged animal, her anxiety trapping her in place until she could just calm down and think.

But then, “Lapis?”

The drug dealer jumped, repressing the urge to scream. Her head snapped over to the source of the voice. Blonde hair, green eyes, standing there with a bag full of Chinese takeout.

“Lapis, are you okay?” Peridot asked.


	11. The Panic Switch

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The song is Death by White Lies (Chase & Status Remix)

“I-I.. No.. No, it’s not fine. It’s not fine at all.. I.. I need that favor.”

Peridot stared at the shaking woman before her, eyes wide as she slowly walked closer, “Lapis..”

“I need that favor!” Lapis repeated, advancing closer as Peridot took steps back. The blonde wasn’t sure why she was doing it, just that seeing Lapis like this was starting to scare her a bit.

Lapis was never so direct. The Lapis she knew was always playful, dancing around the subject and while she could be pushy with her flirting at times she was never so forceful.

And she hadn’t brought up that favor since they’d slept together.

So what was this? Peridot wasn’t sure as Lapis grabbed her elbow and started pulling her towards the beat up car that was once instrumental in saving her life.

“I need to stay at your place for a few days. Maybe she’ll.. Things happened. I need to hide out.” The words were fast out of Lapis’ mouth and Peridot had a hard time understanding them at first.

“Uh.. Okay, sure. Fuck, with the way you were carrying on I thought you were going to ask me to bury a body for you or something.” Peridot replied, letting out a breath of relief as Lapis pulled a large backpack out of her car and gathered everything of value from the vehicle into it.

“Where’s your car?” Was the only response Peridot got, which left her feeling a bit uneasy as she led the drug dealer to her truck.

They got in and the tense atmosphere around them was leading to much unease for Peridot, looking at her passenger out of the corner of her eye every time she had the chance as she drove them to her apartment.

Lapis was clutching onto the bag in her lap, hugging it tightly to her body with wide eyes as she said nothing, seemingly paying no mind to this discomfort she was creating.

“I uh.. I have an adapter for phones. Why don’t you play something Lapis?” A small offer, but Peridot was hoping it would break through the tension. Seeing Lapis like this felt wrong and she would give anything to see the other woman playing blaring loud music like she always did when they were in a car together.

_I love the feeling when we lift off_  
_Watching the world so small below_  
_I love the dreaming when I think of_  
_The safety in the clouds out of my window_

Peridot allowed herself to relax a bit as the music washed over her senses and the vehicle was no longer filled with silence so dense she felt she could cut it with a knife.

_I wonder what keeps us so high up_  
_Could there be a love beneath these wings?_  
_If we suddenly fall should I scream out?_  
_Or keep very quiet and cling to_

She could suddenly hear sobs accompanying the music and almost wished for the silence to return.

_My mouth as I’m crying?_  
_So frightened of dying_  
_Relax, yes, I’m trying_  
_But fear’s got a hold of me_

When Peridot got a chance to look at Lapis again she could see the drug dealer mouthing along to the lyrics, tears falling down her face. The blonde’s heart tightened.

When they got to the apartment Lapis practically jumped out of the truck and started up the stairs where there was cover. Peridot looked around nervously, clutching onto her takeout. Who was Lapis on the run from? A deal gone very bad?

The blonde supposed that would be a good reason for her favorite criminal to be hiding and she got up the stairs as quickly as she could to let Lapis inside.

The drug dealer seemed the tiniest bit relieved to no longer be out in the open. But as Lapis checked her phone and saw all the missed calls and messages her face went pale.

55 missed calls, 32 voicemails. All from Jasper and an unsaved number.

She shoved the phone into her bag and propped herself up against Peridot’s counter, anxiety rising again. This overwhelming feeling so familiar and just as suffocating as the weight of an ocean in her mind.

“What happened?” Peridot asked, deciding to break the silence.

Though she wished she hadn’t when Lapis quickly snapped, “I don’t want to talk about it.”

“Okay.. So.. Chinese?”

Lapis’ eyes narrowed, a hard look directed at the blonde, “What?”

“The food, uh.. It’s Chinese. Want some?” Peridot replied slowly, nervously unpacking her takeout and grabbing a pair of chopsticks from the bag.

“No.. I-I..” Lapis started but then stopped, biting her lip hard and clenching her fists. Why was it so fucking hard to talk? Why couldn’t she decide something as simple as whether or not she was hungry?

“Hey, hey. It’s fine. When or **if** you want some, I’ve got a pair of chopsticks for you. Do whatever you want to do.” 

Lapis nodded her head slowly as she watched Peridot scrap one of the takeout containers into a bowl and go sit on her bed.

Peridot got to eating and watching her occasional sexual partner pace back and forth. Lapis alternated between gripping onto her forearms tightly then becoming conscious of it and reaching up to grip onto her shoulders, to letting her arms fall, to doing it all over again.

“You sure you don’t want to talk-“

“I already told you I didn’t.” Lapis snapped, then swiftly rushed to Peridot’s balcony door. She opened it and slammed it behind her.

Peridot narrowed her eyes at it as if it was somehow at fault before pulling out her phone and streaming a documentary about trains. Anything to get her mind off how irritating it felt to be spoken to into that tone as she told herself to be the bigger person right now.

Lapis continued to go between pacing inside Peridot’s house, on her balcony smoking as Peridot ate her takeout at the pace of a slug. When Lapis managed to stay still she would fuss with her clothes, her skin, her hair, poking and prodding. It had been an hour Period was sure Lapis was probably even pacing in her bathroom at this point. And when the drug dealer came out Peridot found herself unable to contain herself.

“Look, I am no expert on emotions or anything, but I’m pretty sure you need to talk about this before you walk yourself back and forth into an early grave.”

“What **exactly** is talking about it supposed to do? Magically make the situation all better?! Just shut up and eat your food.”

Peridot’s jaw dropped and she was pretty sure she could _hear_ the switch turn in her brain, “You shut up! No! No, dammit! The opposite! The opposite! You are so.. SO!!”

“So what?!”

“You’re being such a **cunt**! I know you’re having a hard night and I know this is supposed to be your favor, but this is bullshit! You don’t get to be a bitch to me when all I’m trying to do is help!” Peridot could practically feel Lapis’ shock from across the room, though she had to keep going, unable to stop herself, “No, talking can’t magically solve whatever complicated fucking problem I’m sure it is you have! But after **years** of being forced into therapy for my traumatic accident I’ve learned that you can’t just keep it to yourself! You can’t just say nothing and try to crush it up and swallow it! You can’t pretend like you’re fine when fucked up things happen to you!”

“What the fuck do you care?! You don’t even know me! You don’t know anything! You think because we slept together a couple of times you have some sort of right to know?!” Lapis was screaming, fists clenched and rage bursting in her chest, “You are not entitled to any part of me! No one is!”

Peridot’s eyes were wide, lips shaking as she nodded her head slowly, “You’re right. I’m not entitled to you. I didn’t think I was. You are your own person. I just wanted to give you a chance to get it out.”

Lapis’ fists loosened their grip as she watched Peridot’s expression become deflated in a way. Something about that looked all wrong on the blonde’s face and having put it there gave her a scummy feeling in her stomach.

Lapis looked away, unable to face it as the sound of a man explaining the changes in the railroad industry filled the silent room. 

Lapis hadn’t gone off on someone like that in a long time. It felt wrong that it was on Peridot, wrong that it was yelling, wrong that she’d said those messed up things out loud. But in a way it also felt good to let some of this out.

“How.. How do I talk?”

“You are talking.” Peridot mumbled, scoffing.

“You know what I mean.”

“Just think about what’s wrong and go with that.”

“I just.. She just.. She..” Lapis started, again and again only to trail off as Peridot started slurping up noodles that went cold long ago in an attempt to calm herself.

The blonde’s brows furrowed as she chewed hard and spoke, “She? This is about a girl?”

Peridot knew it wasn’t like they were dating. They were definitely, absolutely not dating. For good reasons! It was stupid to feel agitated by the mention of another girl in her presence. But wasn’t it like.. rude? Inconsiderate? Hadn’t Lapis been enough of that to her tonight? Was Lapis seriously taking out girl problems on her?

Peridot wasn’t exactly sure what sort of logic should be applied to their situation or if there was any to be had. But she definitely didn’t want to hear about some other girl for whatever reason. This was beginning to suck even more than it already had been.

“Malachite.. She’s at my house..”

Peridot started coughing hard, having swallowed a chunk of noodles at the mention. She pounded on her chest with one fist and gripped onto her knee with the other for a moment before gasping for air.

Her eyes stung, wincing as she chugged the half empty glass of water by her bedside table. Peridot took back what she thought before. She definitely wanted to hear about _this_ other girl.

“What?! I thought she ran off!” Peridot managed to croak out.

“She did! She did.. and now she’s back. She’s back and I can’t go home! I can’t go anywhere and fuck! Fuck fuck I don’t know what the fuck to do! All my shit is there!” Lapis was shaking again, her arms snaking around her own waist and pulling at the back of her shirt.

“There’s got to be something that can be done..”

“Like what?! Call the police?” Lapis started laughing, laughing and laughing and laughing until her throat started to feel like it was closing. She swallowed harshly and shook her head, “I am so screwed..”

“I guess you’ll just going to have to face her.” Peridot sighed, “I know she’s like your crazy ex and all-“

“Peridot crazy is an understatement for her. Psycho, fucked in the head, absolutely stark raving mad.. I ran. I saw her and she saw me and I started to panic. I ran and jumped in my car and I can’t stop this horrifying feeling!”

“Okay.. okay. She’s got to leave at some point right? So we stake out your place, wait for her to leave, and grab your stuff until we figure something else out.”

“We?” It came out sounding weaker than Lapis intended amongst the confusion and rush of emotions, posture completely loosening.

“Yeah, we. As far as I knew I’m paying you back for saving my life. That’s got to be worth more than letting you squat at my apartment.” Peridot retorted, standing up and walking over to Lapis, arms outstretched.

“What are you doing?”

“Giving you a hug. I hear it’s what people do for other people when they’re having a hard time.” Peridot muttered as she wrapped her arm’s around a too tiny waist.

“You.. But I..” Lapis whispered, staring past Peridot’s shoulder at the wall, her chin resting on the crook of the blonde’s neck.

“What?”

“I.. I screamed at you.”

“You did.”

“I’m being a total bitch.”

“You were.”

“So I don’t..” Lapis didn’t understand. It didn’t make any sense, not in the slightest. Her arms shook as she moved them to return the hug and buried her face in Peridot’s neck.

“I’m sorry.” It hurt to push out the words. Lapis hated to apologize. But she was sorry. She was so, so sorry for yelling at Peridot when she’d just tried to help. For not being able to see that. For not knowing how to see that, for not knowing how to do any of this.

“Good, you should be. I’m glad you’ve seen the error of your ways.” Peridot replied, slowly letting go even as Lapis didn’t, “Now let’s eat the rest of this food. I saw a documentary on the history of constellations up earlier.”

And so they did. They sat in Peridot’s bed and ate cold food, not talking at all while they watched stars span across the blonde’s phone screen. Eventually the food was gone and they were leaning on each other, Peridot without her prosthetics now.

Peridot diverted her eyes from the screen a few times to watch Lapis’ face as the narrator went on and on about the stars. The drug dealer didn’t tear her eyes away from the screen for one moment and Peridot grinned at her correct choice in entertainment.

“You really like it that much?”

“The stars are beautiful. People have been dreaming up stuff about them for so long. What’s not to like?” Lapis yawned then turned to face the blonde.

There it was again, that softness in Lapis’ being. Though sad and tired Peridot could see it and it warmed her heart. It was almost enough to forgive the screaming. This was her favorite part about being with Lapis. The tiny moments where she wasn’t deflecting or acting out.

These moments where her existence wasn’t a show or a mask. It pulled Peridot in over and over again. So she decided to bask in it.

“There is something special about them.”

She could have sworn Lapis almost smiled. Nothing further was said they continued watching until Lapis drifted off to sleep.

Peridot attached her phone to her charger before laying down and watching Lapis’ face until the other woman started getting closer and closer, wrapping her arm’s around Peridot in her sleep.

The blonde wondered if Lapis would dream of the stars or the world below them tonight.


End file.
